Unfortunate Idiot Trainer John
by EkaSwede
Summary: John turned ten to get his Pokémon, follow his somewhat strange Pokémon Journey. Rated T for bloody scenes and language.
1. Beginnings

Disclaimer: I don't own Pokémon.

Alright people, this is a fic I thought up in five minutes, if you think it's boring then think so! I'm not gonna force you! I wrote this in boredom, trying to give myself a laugh.

* * *

"**_Unfortunate Idiot Trainer John"_**

Today was John's last day as a 9-year old boy; tomorrow he would get his licence as a trainer.

"Wohoo! I wonder what kind of Pokémon I'll get?" he said out loud like a moron before falling asleep on the floor since I was too lazy to describe how his room looked like.

The next day the sun shone in from the window.

_NO! Too cliché!_

(sigh) The next day it was raining, the clouds were dark and grey.

_TOO DARK!_

Dammit! Then it was snowing for crying out loud! I bet I haven't seen THAT kind of start! But only over the house

_Okay, accepted. Wait, only over the house? Isn't that a little stupid? Illogical?_

Screw you!

_Moron._

Anyway, now John woke up on his bed and wondered how the heck he ended up there, he fell asleep on the floor! Anyway, he got dressed in his everyday clothes without taking a shower and walked down the stairs. Since he had to hurry so much since he was a moron he tripped and fell down the stairs.

"AAAHAHAAA! OOOWWIEEE! AAAAAAAAAAAA!" he screamed as he laid on the floor, blood red n the face.

"JOHN; SHUT THE HELL UP! IT'S 6 IN THE MORNING! His mother shouted, she and her husband had to go through this everyday just because their son was a full-fledged idiot. "You frickin' idiot!"

_Umm, wasn't that a little angst-sueish? _

NO IT WASN'T SHUT THE HELL UP BEFORE I'LL…

Several minutes later John appeared in the kitchen where his parents sat, amazingly full dressed and up early even they were sleeping some minutes ago. To top it off, his face was totally recovered.

"Happy birthday, Idi… John," his father said, "will you embark on your journey as a Pokémon trainer?"

Jonathan nodded like a retarded moron, showing off a goofy smile. "Yeah, yeah, yeah! And I'm heading off now, see ya!" he said as he bolted towards the door, missing it and running into the wall. He collided and bounced back on the floor, leaving a bloody mark on the wall.

"You just had to do it again, hadn't you? Now I'm holding you allowance until that's cleaned off!" his father scolded as John lay on the floor screaming and holding his face.

Later, after he had finished breakfast, his mother came up to him.

"John, I know you're very excited on starting your journey but there's something more you need," she said.

"What? Is there something wrong?"

"No, but I would like to give you this as a birthday present," she gives him a bike she magically had behind her back.

John jumped in joy. "WOW! Are you really giving me a bike?" She nodded. "Thanks mum, you're the best!" He jumped on his bike and pedalled away, looking back at his parents at the doorway.

"Bye, honey."

"Take care, son," his father said.

"Bye mum, bye dad! I'll take care of me no worries!" John shouts while pedalling. But he was looking over his shoulder, causing him to see nothing ahead of him. He hit the edge of the pavement. "OOPS!"

Next thing he knew, he was for a stupid reason flying 20 feet up in the air along with bike. "WHEEE HE HE HEEEeeee!" he screamed as he hit a wall. His mother sighed.

"He's such an idiot…" Her husband nodded in agreement.

After a tedious cycling tour, he arrived at the lab where Prof. Oak was.

"Hi professor! Are there any Pokémon for me?" he asked.

"Yes they're over here, follow me young man," he beckoned the 10-year old to follow. As they were walking John noticed the large shelves which had pokéballs on them.

"WOW! Those are some big balls you got there, professor!" he shouted. The old man looked at him strangely.

"Ehh, I mean, those are some clean balls. No, I meant that's a _very_ nice shelf you got there!" he countered.

"By the way, you're John, right?" John nodded, "well, your parents called earlier today and they told me that you were a little… ehm, clumsy," he said.

"Clumsy, who me?" said John as he stretched out his arms wide, accidentally hitting a lever causing the fire alarm to go off. Water was spraying down the whole lab and when it was over, the professor seemed very mad. John gave one of his goofy smiles again.

Outside, we could see someone getting thrown out of the window from the lab, it was John of course, dumb ass.

"AND DON'T EVER COME BACK!" Oak shouted.

Later, when he was walking, he walked across a female police officer with blue hair.

"Young man, do you know who owns this Pokémon?" she asked him, holding up a pokéball.

"Umm, I really don't know, it's just a pokéball," he replied.

"It's a Voltorb, I found it lying around recently and…" she was cut off by the Voltorb who jumped in John's arms. "Hmm, it seems like it likes you, you look like a good trainer, could you take care of it?" John nodded very quickly. "Thank you!"

'_Yes, now I don't have to take that pest of a Pokémon to the station!'_ she thought evilly.

"All right!" John said out loud, making a v sign with his index and middle finger, to top it off, he makes a weird grimace too. People looked at him like if he was some mentally disturbed kid, "I got Voltorb, but wait, what the heck is a Voltorb? Better check the Pokédex mum gave me," he picks up a red contraption known as the Pokédex and scans the pokéball-like Pokémon.

"_Voltorb the Ball Pokémon. This Pokémon is known to have a hot temper and is most likely to explode for no reason, treat it carefully or your ass will be blown up!"_ it beeped. John was dumbfounded by the last part.

"My ass? Dad must've done something to it… anyway. What element is it?" he asked the Pokédex. It remained silent. How could someone be so utterly stupid and talk to a machine? He pushed on some of the buttons and finally it spoke.

"_It is a grass elemental, no just kidding you moron! It uses Electric attacks mostly so don't bathe when it's in the vicinity,"_ it beeped again.

Jonathan fumed for a while but then took control of his temper. "Anyway, Voltorb, what should I call you? Exploder?" he suggested.

The Voltorb looked at him with happy eyes and glowed white. "OMG! Are you evolving?" John said surprised and sat down next to it. Unfortunately, it exploded, sending John flying 4 feet back.

"Why did you do that?" he asked, all black in the face. It looked at him curiously, "are you a boy or girl?" It spun around once, showing its master it didn't know. John consulted his Pokédex.

"_Hello? It is genderless, fatass! How on earth would you think they'd reproduce?"_

"MY ASS ISN'T FAT!" John screamed off his lungs at the Pokédex, after that he walked out of Pallet Town.

Later, he found himself in the forest he just had entered.

"I wonder why this forest isn't allowed to be in these days?" he wondered, suddenly a screech woke him up from is thoughts.

"SCYYTHER!" A giant green praying mantis with claws for hand stood about 10 feet from him, ready to battle. He fumbled with his Pokédex and pointed it towards the opposing Pokémon.

"_Scyther the Mantis Pokémon. This Pokémon uses mainly its scythes when it battles, lately they have become very fierce towards humans. If you encountered one in a forest, chances are you were in its territory. One advice, RUN AWAY BEFORE IT CHOPS YOUR HEAD OFF!"_ it beeped frantically.

Jonathan gulped when he heard that, he looked at the Scyther, which patiently waited for the human to use one of his minions.

"Ehh, I'm sorry, if I disturbed, but I really didn't mean to wander into your territory," he excused.

The Pokémon shook its head.

"Is this your territory?" he asked, the creature shook its head again. "So what are you doing here anyway?" he asked. It marched on the ground standstill and waved its claws in the air. "Were you… dancing?" It sighed, glaring at him.

"No, no, no. You were just strolling around right? And you're training too?" It nodded. "Well, I'm giving you a fight then, go Exploder!" He threw his pokéball, revealing another ball, Voltorb. The Scyther raised its blades, going into fighting stance.

"Exploder start with a-" Exploder exploded right in his face before he could finish, making it all black. After the second explosion, Exploder fainted. Scyther lowered its blades slightly, tilting its head. A sweat drop formed on the left side of its head and then it burst out laughing.

John wiped the black colour off his face and glared at the laughing Pokémon.

"You think that's funny huh? DO YOU?" he picks up a pokéball and prepares to throw it at the Scyther, "Hey you! Catch this if you can!" The Scyther looked up and saw the human throw a ball that was used to capture the likes of it. It stopped laughing and got ready to dodge.

It then got a better idea; just before the ball was about to catch it, it sliced the ball four times, dividing it to 16 pieces.

"Um, whatever! I got more, lot's more!" John screams as he throws two more pokéballs. They sailed through the sky as one of them missed due to a dodging Scyther but the second one hit it right in the mouth.

"Scyrrmphmmmff!" it screamed as it tried to get the ball out of its mouth. John found that very hilarious, so it was his turn to laugh. He laughed so hard he didn't though of getting anew pokéball to catch the Scyther.

Finally, the mantis got the ball out of its mouth. It glared furiously at the laughing trainer.

"SCYTHE!" it screamed, John stopped laughing and looked at the pissed mantis.

"Heh, nice Scyther, I don't want to hurt you… p-please d-don't kill me… I-I will leave now," he stammered as he brought up his Pokédex.

"_This Pokémon usually tears up numerous wounds on its prey and sucks out the blood from it… no wait, my bad, heh, I accidentally referred to Kabutops. Scyther is a predator, if you've already faced it, running away is pointless, it will hunt you down until-"_ John turned it off, not wanting to hear anymore.

The Scyther picked up the saliva covered pokéball with its blades and looked at it, then at John. It grinned a little evilly before throwing the ball up and kicking it with all of its might. The ball travelled towards John at a very high speed and hit him right on the nose.

SPLAT! The saliva covered ball hit him in the face.

CRACK! It hit him right in the nose, making him fall down.

"AAAAHH! MY NOSE! AHHAHAAAA! EEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" he screamed high pitched like a girl, kicking in the air and clutching his nose, which was red.

Scyther's anger turned into laughter again, it laughed so hard it fell down. It was holding its stomach because it was too fun, it could hardly breathe as it laughed. It couldn't stand the look so it flew away, sometimes falling down on the ground because of the laughter when it turned to the unfortunate trainer.

Later, don't ask me how or why, John arrived at Viridian. He walked into the PokéCentre.

"What happened to you?" someone asked.

"I got attacked by a Scyther!" snarled John.

"How come? I can't see any cuts…"

"It kicked a pokéball right at my face, dammit!" he shouted. Almost everybody in the room laughed out loud.

"Can I have this Pokémon healed, it exploded for no reason…" he said to the nurse.

(Later)

"Why did you explode just like that? I could've been killed!" John scolded his Voltorb, who looked at him strangely.

"Seriously, you are one stupid looking Pokémon! No return!"

"Umm, you know that Voltorbs are easily angered right?" a man pointed out,

"It has a name you know! Its name is Exploder!" as he said that, the Voltorb popped out and exploded… again.

_**The End…?

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**_

Conclusion: Giving your Voltorb/Electrode the name Exploder is a very bad idea!

I hope you liked it! Too bad it's rated T…


	2. Name & Parent Insanity

**Chapter 2**

Thank you for all reviews! But who's Napoleon Dynamite? Never mind.

Since I've decided to continue this story (to rid of my Writer's Block on the other story, which is undergoing a major change) it would be nice if I gave John a surname, and giving his parents names too. His full name if John Sean Fullerby, his mother's name is Theresa and his father's is Edward.

* * *

"**Name and Parent Craze"**

The smoke cleared from the explosion caused by Voltorb revealing John and the man he'd talked to earlier.

"Now look here, kid, naming a Voltorb the name you gave it is not a good idea!" he scolded the younger boy. "And besides, shouldn't it have fainted? They usually do after an Explosion… could it be that it can withstand more than one Explosion?" he then remarked.

"I really don't know, I got it from Officer Jenny in Pallet Town, and I'm a beginner," said John awkwardly, looking down.

"Very well then, figures by the way. But for your own good change the name of that Voltorb, you won't be able to battle it otherwise."

With that, the man left John. Shortly after, he let out Exploder from its pokéball.

"So, eh, Voltorb. Since your name Ex- yeah you know, causes you to explo- blow up every time, why don't we get you a new name?" The pokéball Pokémon spun around once, showing a yes. And God forbid, John actually understood that!

"Alright! So your new name shall be… ehh, um, Rollerblade!" The Voltorb closed its eyes, not seeming to like it.

"How 'bout Pinball?"

"Vol!" it said, shaking its… uh… head/body.

"Rolling Thunder?"

"Vol!"

"Sparky?"

"Vol!"

"Magikarp?"

Voltorb shot a little electricity at him for saying that.

"OW! What? I heard they were pretty good!" he claimed. Voltorb sweat dropped.

"How 'bout Pokéball?"

"VOL!" it screeched, obviously very offended. It seemed to like the name Exploder.

"Hmm, Ka-boom?" It was silent for a while.

"Torb!" it said, spinning around once.

"Then Ka-boom it is!" he announced. "Let's call mum 'n dad about my progress!"

He ran to the PokéCentre at full speed. When he was closed to the door he, for some stupid reason, turned slightly left and collided with the wall.

"Whew, no serious injuries! This time I was lucky!" No he wasn't! As he turned around someone opened the door from the inside a little to fast. The door slammed right into John's face and he was thrown back into the wall and bounced off landing on the ground.

"I thought I heard something! What could it be?" a teenager said, looking behind the door to see a screaming idiot named John lying on the ground clutching his bloody face.

"AAAAHHAHAHAAAAA! MY FAAAAAAACE! EEEEOOOOOWWWW!"

Later in the PokéCentre.

"Can you please explain one more time how this happened?" Nurse Joy asked. John told the story of the idiotic scenario that happened before and everyone burst out laughing.

Fuming, John headed to the Computer Phone that was in the corner of the lobby. He dialled the number to his house in Pallet.

"Hello?" his father, Edward answered. His name had appeared on the screen an he was located in the living room.

"Hi, dad, I just wanted to call you to say that I made it to Viridian and-"

"YOU CALLED ME JUST FOR THAT? HOW STUPID CAN YOU GET?" Edward shouted through the phone. People around John in the lobby started to snicker again.

"Um, dad, I got attacked by a Scyther while I was there," he said, offended by his dad suddenly screaming at him.

"Oh, that's terrible, son, I'm sorry I didn't know," his father apologized. "Did you survive by the way?"

"I really don't think I actually did… HEY! That was mean, dad!" Edward's laugh could be heard throughout the lobby.

"Sorry, son, I just can't get enough. Oh! Here's your mother!" His mother appeared on the screen.

"Hi, honey!"

"Hi, mum, I'm in Viridian now!"

"That's wonderful, dear, but what is that?" She hangs up and runs to the window.

"Don't worry, I think she saw a Rattata or something," his father assured.

"Look! The Ketchum's are getting a new fence!" Theresa shouted from the background.

"Bah! Who cares? They're swingers!" he turned his attention to John. "Anyway, I've deposited a considerable sum of money-"

"I want a new fence!" Therese said firmly to her husband in the background, not taking her eyes of the window.

"But we got one two years ago when your aunt died!" protested Edward. Therese fumed at that.

"That's it! WE'RE NEVER HAVING SEX AGAIN!" she shouted. Everybody in the lobby laughed and cheered at that.

John left the PokéCentre with his only pokéball, the one that contained Ka-boom, and headed to the PokéMart.

Once inside, he got greeted by many people.

"Congratulations! You are customer number one million!" the man in the front said. "You are a very lucky man! Your prize is a Master Ball free of charge!"

John couldn't believe his luck! A _Master Ball_? The most powerful pokéballs that existed? For free?

"This is a joke, right?" he said.

"No, it's true! This powerful pokéball is yours, young man!"

(Story Pause)

_So this is turning out to be a Gary-Stu…_

What? Hell no! Show me the facts!

_A Voltorb that can explode more than once without fainting, and now he's awarded with a Master Ball?_

Don't be so rash! Some good things has to happen to him!

_Oh well…_

(Back to story)

After John had received the Master Ball and bought some supplies (I'm too lazy to write that down.) he was heading to the Viridian Forest.

Will John survive through the forest of Viridian? Will his own stupidity kill him?

Stay tuned until I got another Writer's Block so I can continue this!

_**To be continued…

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**_

A/N

Okay, maybe this was a little boring, but I thought I could whip up a crazy scene involving John's parents, and the new name of Voltorb (Ka-boom)

Review if you want, if you're that kind… okay that was lame!

I hope you enjoyed!


	3. Viridian Forest Encounters

**Chapter 3**

A/N: Well, it seems I get quite some reviews for this story, very appreciated. Since I'm bored this day, after a tiring revamping on my other story, I decided to write yet another chapter.

By the way to those who noticed: The conversation between John's parents regarding the fence was taken from a commercial from GTA SA, it's really funny. (inputs a disclaimer) Disclaimer: I don't own that script starting from "The Ketchum's are getting a new fence" to "That's it! We're never having sex again!"

Hmm, Voltorb being like Ash's Pikachu? I never intended to do that… because I haven't found a trainer story where the trainer starts with a Voltorb, it's always (Three regular Kanto starters) Pikachu, a rare Pokémon, an Eevee or a Vulpix. I try to make something unique, yet so stupid. And I'll try to use those underused Pokémon as well, but eventually they'll get smarter than John… even Slowpoke might…

Anyway, one of the encounters is like a spoof on my other story, just in case you wondered why I'm repeating some things.

"Talking"

'_Thinking'_

'Translated Pokémon Speech'

* * *

"**_Viridian Forest Encounters"_**

John was making his way through the Viridian Forest. He was going for a record now: it consisted of him not hurting himself in an utterly idiotic way and he was about to reach it… until it happened. He tripped on a branch that appeared out of nowhere and flied right onto a tree headfirst. He failed… again. But this time he didn't bleed in the face all over.

"Stupid forest! Why do forests have to be so… foresty? PHOOEY!" he wailed. He let out Ka-boom out of its pokéball and it called out its species name as it appeared.

"Voltorb!" it said with its cyber like voice.

"I did it again, Ka-boom, I hurt myself again," he said sadly.

"Vool," the ball Pokémon said, rolling lightly into his leg, as if patting him.

"Thanks, you're pretty nice for such an aggressive Pokémon," said the idiot.

"VVVvvvooo," it warned.

"Hey, it was meant in a nice way, don't blow up, please," he pleaded. The Voltorb gave him a happy look, accepting the apology.

They proceeded through the forest (he held Voltorb in both of hid hands, talking with it) and hoped they would get out soon enough. After a while, a brown bird appeared. John got all excited and brought up his evil Pokédex, scanning it.

"_Give me a break…"_ it beeped. John got upset and scanned the bird one more time.

"_Pidgey the bird Pokémon (duh): This fat little bird usually kicks up sand at its foes. It is very common, especially where you live, dumbass! How can you NOT know what Pokémon this is? IDIOT! Have you been living in a Diglett cave your entire life?"_ it furiously beeped. John got a little teary eyed upon hearing that. He also pouted.

The Pidgey, however, didn't want to stand there like a silly ass or something so it kicked up sand in John's eyes. John, being the crazy lunatic idiot he is, ran like a headless hen right into a tree.

"EEEEEEE! OOOOOWWW AAAAA! I DIIIID IT AGAAAAAIN!" He screamed in agony while kicking his legs in the air. Ka-boom didn't like what it saw; it got angry at that fatass bird and decided to blow it away. It rolled up to it and used its Explosion at the bird. The poor pansy Pidgey was sent flying away of the blast, but happily it wasn't killed, folks!

John had stopped screaming like an idiot and finally got the sand out of his eyes. Ka-boom rolled up to him and looked at its master proudly, expecting to get some praise.

"Nice job, Ka-boom, you showed that fat bird what you was made of!" He picked his Pokémon up and got himself to his feet.

After another boring while of forest walking, John encountered a strange brown duck Pokémon that carried around a silly stick, which resembled a leek or something. He took the risk and scanned it with his mean Pokédex.

"_Farfetch'd the duck Pokémon: This Pokémon usually beats its foes using its… wood stick, no… leek, sorry about that. Anyway, it's very rare, congratulations on that find!"_ it beeped cheeringly. John's face lit up in happiness.

"_You lucky bastard!"_ the evil, but rather wise, Pokédex added. John's delight quickly turned into a red face.

"Stupid Pokédex!" he pouted and frowned darkly as he put it into his pocket. He took up a pokéball, preparing to catch this rare Pokémon. Farfetch'd noticed that and had its leek ready to strike. When John reared back in a very stupid way, preparing to throw the pokéball in anime style, the duck put on a baseball cap on its head, holding the leek like a baseball bat.

When John finally threw the pokéball (which took forever, mind you) the brown duck hit the ball with all its might, sending it flying past John at a tremendous speed.

Farfetch'd cheered the 'Homerun!' song, throwing its cap up in the air. John was lucky, God forbid; the pokéball didn't hit him, it sailed away. Unknown to both of them, the target it would hit would be very unfortunate for one of them.

"That was close! Guess I have to weaken you, you crazy leek-swinging duck!" snarled John, "Ka-boom, roll up to it and blow it up!" he ordered.

Voltorb rolled up to his opponent and began to glow white, preparing to blow up again. Farfetch'd wasn't going to look at it like some dumbass and let that ball blow it up like some loser. It readied its leek and smacked the, now white glowing, Voltorb right back to its trainer where it exploded right in his face… ouch. This time, to our happiness, the pain was too much for him to scream.

"Oh, by Ho-oh, the pain… the pain,"

_(4 hours later)_

(Story pause)

(John walks up to me, glaring.)

John: Look, there's absolutely NO way I'm going to writhe in pain for four freakin' hours!

Me: Lol, I know, but it's funny if the readers think so.

John: Change it NOW!

Me: Okay.

_(6 hours later)_

John: (Fuming with an angry mark on his head.) NO! Shorten the time!

Me: Screw you

John: I take this you'd rather get shocked by my fully evolved Electrode and then get blown up!

Me: (sweat drops) How 'bout 2 hours?

John: I'm warning you!

Me: Don't do anything rash, or you might regret it! (Starts typing frantically)

_(6 seconds later)_

John: (Smiling slightly) That's better. (Walks away)

_(6 seconds later)_

The duck Pokémon looked at the trainer with a little feeling of guilt. That must've been too mean to the human. It waddled up to the boy and searched his backpack; it found a fine bottle with some liquid in it. The duck sprayed it over the human.

"The pain's going away, I'm going to heaven!" he weakly said as he stood up. "Huh? I'm not dead? Whatever… YOU!" he shouted at the Farfetch'd, snatching its leek, threatening to hit it back.

"SssccyyyYY!" a high pitched voice interrupted. Both John and Farfetch'd turned to see the fearsome mantis Pokémon.

_(Right before John encountered Farfetch'd)_

Two Scythers were talking deeper into the forest, one of them was laughing quite hysterically.

'You should've seen it! It was hilarious!' one of them managed to say.

'Uh-huh,' the other one answered.

'After I got that blasted ball out of my mouth I just kicked it at him and he was all AAAHH OWWIEE!' They both burst out in laughter for a good while.

'I didn't know going to that other forest could be so fun!' it then said. All of a sudden, a pokéball hit its head with such a force making it fall down.

'Hey, buddy, are you okay?' the other mantis asked, helping its comrade up to its feet.

'Strange, I can't sense any humans here, but I swear that I'll teach that idiot a lesson!' the stricken Scyther said.

'Should I bring some backup?" the other requested.

'No, I'll do this on my own." With that, it flew away to the direction form where the pokéball had come from.

"Ssscyther, scy scythe ther?" it asked while hissing angrily. It wondered which one of those two was the dead meat who had struck it.

"Oh shit… now what?" whimpered John as he still held the leek in his hand. The Scyther looked at the boy who had the leek in his hand. It recognized him of course, and it put two and two together.

"Scyyyrrryyy!" it snarled, slowly advancing towards the boy. Farfetch'd made a run for it, and noticed the mantis wasn't following. The duck smiled faintly, sighing in relief.

John, however, was shit scared. He knew that this Scyther assumed it was him who had hit the pokéball on its head. And now it seemed that it wanted revenge for the large bump on its head. He backed away a little while holding his hand in front of him.

"Okay, n-n-nice Scyther, I d-did not hit you with that p-pokéball," he stammered. Scyther had brought the pokéball and sniffed on it, it had the same scent of that human.

The mantis Pokémon halted its advance, dropping the red and white pokéball to the ground. It took one step back and then kicked the pokéball so it was sent flying towards the poor boy. The pokéball hit him right on the balls.

"OOOoooo!" he howled as he sank down on his knees holding his crotch.

The Scyther smiled at this, but remembered its bump on the head. It walked up to him and looked at him writhing in pain.

For some stupid reason, John was still holding that stupid leek in his right hand. When he saw the Scyther looking down at him, his heart jumped.

"Please, I didn't do it! It was that duck! Please, believe me!" he pleaded. It ignored his pleas and raised one of its deadly scythes, "I could give you this tasty leek if you want it!" he offered. It lowered its scythe and looked at him. It bent down slightly and he shoved the leek into its mouth.

"Scrrymmmrr," it said while having the green stick in its mouth, wondering what the human was about to do.

"I've heard that smoking leek is pretty nice," John claimed, picking up a lighter from his pocket and lighted the leek on the end of it. The surprised Scyther inhaled some of it and coughed violently. John grabbed the smoking leek from the Scyther's mouth and held it in his hands as it coughed.

"You'll get used to it," he assured. The Scyther started to feel funky after a while and snatched the smoking leek from John's hands, putting it into its mouth and inhaled more.

"Scyyhh, hyyYY! Theeehhhr," it said drowsily, being in cloud nine or something. It rested one of its scythes on John's shoulder and relaxed. John was pretty sure this Scyther was high at the moment as the Scyther then shifted its whole weight at the ten year old kid. It was difficult to keep that bug standing straight up as it was quite heavy to him. It looked at him with now red eyes as it inhaled another dose of the leek, blowing it out on John.

"So, you like it?" he asked. It nodded drunkenly with happy eyes. After a while it let go of John.

"ScyyYYeeeheehee," it woozily said, waving at him. It was clear to John that it had let him go.

After John was done with that terrible, but amusing encounter he arrived to Pewter City and checked in at the PokéCentre.

He had made it through the Viridian forest without any serious injuries, except for almost crushed balls…

_**To be continued…

* * *

**_

A/N I hope you liked that one, just keep in mind that smoking leek is not recommend! It tastes really bad! But in this story it will be rather healthy… the PokéWorld s pretty screwed up, now isn't it?

In the next chapter he might get his first badge! Stay tuned.

Ka-boom: WAAAH! Stupid John forgot me in Viridian! He's gonna pay!


	4. Shopping Stupidity

**Chapter 4**

A/N

It was some time since I updated, yes, but a lot of schoolwork is bugging me. I'm glad I get many reviews, I hope I'm done soon with the revamping on my other one. I hope it will be finished soon, or the reader(s) might think it's discontinued forever.

"Talking"

'_Thinking'

* * *

_

"**_Shopping stupidity"_**

When John woke up in the PokéCentre, he didn't wake up in a pleasant way; he woke up with a shock.

"AAaah!" he screamed. When he saw what the reason was, he was shocked, "Ka-Boom? Why did you do that for?" he asked, the electric ball Pokémon crackled with electricity in fury.

"Voltorb! Vol voltore, torevol! Vol vol vol! TOORB!" it screeched, it was mad at its trainer because he had left it in the forest with that smoking Scyther, and it had to make all the way through the forest into the PokéCentre to find its stupid trainer.

"Sorry, Ka-Boom, I forgot, I swear I won't do that again, please, please, please?" he begged, the Pokémon spun around once, nodding.

All of a sudden, a window was kicked up and in jumped a brown bird. Farfetch'd, only this time it didn't have its stick. It leaped up on John's bed and stood on his chest, glaring at him.

"Far, fetch arfet, fetch'd?" it quacked, pointing at one of its wing with its other one. It wanted to know where its precious leek was.

"Your stick? Ehh, I gave it to the Scyther, and it, um, smoked it," he explained. The duck looked at him for a while, and started to get teary in the eyes. Tears started to run down the ducks eyes and it wiped some of them. John tried to give it some sympathy but it bit him on the hand.

"OW! Stupid duck!" he yelled, pushing the brown duck off him, getting up from his bed. "And you know, I could've been killed back there because of you!" he then half shouted at it. It looked down in shame, quacking a little.

"But, I'll make you an offer you can't refuse," he then said, sounding exactly like Don Corleone. Farfetch'd and Voltorb fell down animé style. "I'll buy you a new one at the shop if you want to be my Pokémon!" he then said in his normal voice, smiling like an idiot.

Farfetch'd pondered for a while, wondering if it should or not. But it nodded, smiling evilly inside. John was overjoyed and picked up an empty pokéball and attempted hurl throw it at the brown duck Pokémon. But since he was such an idiot he threw it backward since he let go off it when he pulled back his arm, the ball went flying backwards and hit the wall, bouncing back and hit John in the back of the head. He collapsed on the floor with a loud thud.

Farfetch'd sweat dropped and Voltorb fainted again.

"Darn, I gotta learn how to throw properly soon," John moaned, picking up what he thought was the pokéball, but it actually was Voltorb he picked up. He hurled it properly at the Farfetch'd and it hit it right in the head, making it fall down.

While the brown duck rubbed its head in pain, and John stood there like an idiot, Voltorb got up and rolled at its stupid trainer, blowing him up in anger.

"VOLTO, Volt or vol orb!" it furiously said, not liking to be mistaken for a pokéball. The soot black John apologized to his Pokémon many times, promising not to do that anymore. Farfetch'd shook its head, sighing, and walked up to the pokéball and patted it with its beak, letting the red beam suck it in.

"Huh? Where'd it go?" John wondered, not having noticed that the duck Pokémon had entered the pokéball by itself. Voltorb rolled up to the pokéball and patted on it, releasing the duck Pokémon. "Oh, there you are," he then said.

Then the stupid idea came up to him; he jumped up in the air shouting, "YEAH! I got Farfetch'd!" When he jumped up he had to land, and he tripped while landing and fell into the wall.

"OOOOWWW! AAAAAAHH! EEEOOOWWIIEE!" he screamed, bloody red in the face yet again. Farfetch'd looked at Voltorb, who just sighed… somehow.

Later, when John had been fully healed, he checked out from the PokéCentre. He headed for the PokéMart to buy a leek for his Farfetch'd so he wouldn't break his promise.

Inside the Mart, he walked to a vegetables stand, where a lot of different vegetables were sold, he walked to the shopkeeper.

"Hello, sir, I would like some leeks, good quality by the way," he said. The shopkeeper looked at him suspiciously. He was almost bald but some hair was at the sides of his head, he also had a thick moustache.

"Why do you want good quality?" he asked.

"Well, uh," John stammered.

"You don't happen to have a Farfetch'd, do you?" he asked suspiciously. John nodded. The suspicious look of the shopkeeper then turned to a happy smile. "Good! Just come 'round the back!" he finished.

At the back of a store, they were in an oriental room, and the shopkeeper sat down on his knees on a carpet. John did the same and released his Farfetch'd.

"So, eh, you got any special leeks or something?" asked John. Farfetch'd gawked at all the different leeks that were at the walls, it resisted the urge to steal them.

"I can see your Farfetch'd is a brave fighter," the shopkeeper said in a religious voice, holding a leek carefully in his both hands. Farfetch'd stood up proudly.

"Yeah, it left me to get killed by a Scyther yesterday," he said, only to get slapped by the duck. "Hey, it's true!"

"This, is a legendary leek," the shopkeeper continued in his religious voice.

"But it looks just like the other ones," said John matter-of-factly. The old man glared at him.

"SILENCE!" John shut up immediately. The shopkeeper continued: "Farfetch'd test this amazing weapon while I tell your trainer the background of this legendary weapon." He gave the leek to the duck who stood up and tested swinging with it.

"If you must know," he began, "the dark Rayquaza leek; picked up outside Viridian," he told john, who was enthralled by the story. Farfetch'd practised some moves, which included swinging horizontally, vertically and stabbing. Spin slashes and jump slashes.

"It has slain many lives, but only those good for its own kind," the shopkeeper said, "and it's said to be the only of its own kind."

Farfetch'd grew tired of the leek and ate it up. Only John noticed that, since the shopkeeper was still busy telling the story. The duck Pokémon quickly realized what it had done and quickly ran up and grabbed another one.

"This powerful leek is said to have overpowered many prehistoric Pokémon."

Farfetch'd broke one of the leek in half and threw it in a bin, sweat dropping, it quickly running up to get another. The shopkeeper looked at the duck and smiled.

"He seems to like its new weapon," the shopkeeper said cheerfully, in his normal voice. John was sweating like crazy, he thought the shopkeeper would notice, but he hadn't.

"How did you know it was a male?" John asked.

"Experience, my fellow trainer."

"Oh."

"So, will you be buying this QUALITY product for only 2, 50 Pokédollars?" he asked, stealing the leek from the duck. Farfetch'd nodded at his trainer, he liked that leek very much, since the 'legendary' was just crap.

"Yes, but do the parts come-" started John but the shopkeeper interrupted.

"No! Parts DON'T come separately," the old man announced.

"And the-" John asked again, but was interrupted yet again.

"Batteries not included!" the shopkeeper said, quite annoyed. John sweat dropped and Farfetch'd fainted.

John extended his hand and let some metal objects fall into the shopkeeper's hand. The metal objects consisted of two yellow bottle caps and one metal screw.

"What the hell is this?" the shopkeeper inquired, pointing at the objects.

"The gold one is one Pokédollar and the silver one is a half," he explained. The shopkeeper took up a magnifying glass and studied the 'money'.

"So this is what Pokédollar looks like, I mean, I get it from people everyday, but I never really look at it," the shopkeeper said, a little stupid. OH NO! JOHN'S STUPIDITY IS CONTAGIOUS!

"But I can assume I get the right amount… somehow. But HEY! I bet the shopkeeper who runs the pokéball shop doesn't know how it looks like either!" he then concluded.

After the leek shopping ordeal John walked down the streets of Pewter, heading for the gym. But for some reason, he let his Pokémon out of their pokéballs.

"So guys, do you think you'll make the first gym battle?" he asked Voltorb and Farfetch'd who practised with his new weapon.

Voltorb tilted its body, not knowing what to say.

"The battle is going to be so Fetch!" Farfetch'd said.

"Farfetch'd? Did you just talk?" asked John, very shocked by that event. Farfetch'd sweat dropped.

"Uhh, Far, fetch'd farfetch'd!" he then said.

"Thought so," john then said, returning his Pokémon. He doesn't know why the hell he called them out in the first place, gosh this is so stupid.

So, will John get his first badge when he's battling Brock? Only time will tell.

_**To be continued…

* * *

**_

A/N

So that was my chapter, I hope I can proceed quicker on the rewriting, since I will always celebrate with a new chapter on John's unfortunateness (that wasn't even a word.).

I hope you liked this chapter, I don't force you to. But I could use some suggestions… my creativity seems to be failing me, where it usually does on trainer fics.


	5. The Rockin' Battle and Smoking News

**Chapter 5**

A/N

Well, since I finally updated (which I, in fact, do in two or three days but I write it only when I've completed a chapter update. Anyway, since I only got one review, I understand that I really don't care. Or did I chop it off?

John: You do care, you're probably crying by now.

Shut up John, you're not allowed to speak now or I'll mark you and push the delete button! Anyway, this fic is just a notification that I'm not dead! But sometimes I wonder why I even stooped so low I wrote a Parody…

* * *

"_**The Rockin' Battle and Smoking News"**_

John walked into the Pokémon Gym in Pewter, but it seemed the door was locked. He pulled with all his might, but the door wouldn't budge.

"Stupid door! Phooey!" he fumed and kicked the door, turning to leave. Directly after he had turned around, a girl walked out from the gym, happy because she had won a badge. John's Pokédex activated itself automatically.

"_Well, hello there sweet thing! I've never seen such a sexy Pokédex my entire life!"_ it beeped. Jonathan quickly turned around and checked his machine. The girl gave him an icy glare as she brought up her Pokédex, which was coloured pink.

"_Beat it, you frickin' jerk! That was the lamest pick up line I've ever heard!"_ the female cyber voice shouted.

"Heh, nice meeting, eh?" John said awkwardly. The girl magically made a pink umbrella appear in her hands and he smacked John with it with all her might. John sailed through the gym door and landed on his back, unscratched since he rally needs a break from bleeding faces.

"Bitch, but hey, how come I'm inside now! The doors were locked!" he stated stupidly.

"_Here I thought you couldn't get anymore stupid, it clearly says on those door handles P U S H!" _it beeped a little too loud.

"What does P.U.S.H. stand for then?" he asked it. The Pokédex fell down animé style (is that even possible?)

"_Grr, it is short for 'Pokémon University of Styled Hair.' What kind of a fucking schmuck are you? I meant push p u s h! PUSH!"_ it furiously beeped. John didn't want to hear anymore so he deactivated it.

He walked through the gym, which consisted of one big empty room, isn't a gym equipped with training gear? Man oh man, how illogic can it get?

He finally met a tall, dark skinned, spiky haired boy with khaki pants and a orange shirt with a green vest over.

"Well, um, hello, I'm like going to challenge you for a badge, I'm John," he said, the Gym leader stood there with his arms folded.

"Well, I'm Brock, the Gym leader of Pewter City." He took a deep breath. "And…" He stared at John with his closed (squinted) eyes. "I… AM A… PIMP!" he screamed, the booming voice almost made John wet his pants echoed in the gym for a while. Brock was breathing heavily after that scream.

"Heh, (whew, puff) and now, I will make my mating call!" He took yet another deep breath. "WHOOBOLBOLOBOLOBLO!" he then screamed. John was at the verge off pissing his pants in laughter.

"Are you laughing at me? You wanna die kid? Anyway, let's have this battle!" Brock then said, having turned to normal (?). John nodded and threw his pokéball containing Farfetch'd.

"Go Geodude!" shouted Brock as he threw his pokéball, releasing the rock head with two arms.

"Let's kick his ass, Farfetch'd!" John exclaimed as he threw his own pokéball, releasing the brown duck Pokémon with a leek. Farfetch'd brandished his leek a couple of times before holding it in Samurai style.

"This style is so Fetch!" the brown duck muttered. John looked at him again.

"But you did talk now, didn't you?" John stated.

"Err, Farfetch'd fetch'd far," excused Farfetch'd wanting to stay low.

"Geodude! Use Rollout and knock that bird out!" ordered Brock.

"Smack it!" countered John, who for once thought quickly. Farfetch'd brought up his baseball cap and put it onto his head. He readied his leek in baseball bat position. When the rock Pokémon was in range Farfetch'd swung his leek with all his might, sending Geodude flying away.

"Baseball… is so Fetch!" He exclaimed as he bowed down, Geodude flew right over him since he had ricocheted on the walls and kept doing so. It finally made its way right into Brock's face, knocking him down.

"Stupid punk ass birdie! Go, Onix!" he bellowed. "And by the way, if you lose, all the toilets in this gym will henceforth be called… Johns," he said evilly.

John raised his hands up in the air, getting to his knees. "Nooooooo! How could you?" he screamed.

"Tackle that duck!" Brock ordered his Onix. The huge serpent charged forward attempting to tackle the bird.

"Onixes are not Fetch!" Farfetch'd exclaimed as he ran from the huge rock serpent.

"Bind the stupid duck!" shouted Brock. Farfetch'd turned around and shouted something in its natural language at him. But by doing so the Onix caught up with him and wrapped its body around him, squeezing.

"Farfetch'd! Try to shake yourself off!" John suggested, though it was very stupid since Farfetch'd couldn't move.

Onix brought the duck closer to its mouth. Farfetch'd realised what it was about to do, and started to struggle madly.

"No, no, no! Getting' eaten is so not Fetch!" he screamed. John knew what was best and recalled him quickly.

"Stupid Brock, making his overgrown serpent trying to eat my Farfetch'd," he muttered. "C'mon Ka-Boom, let's do this!" he then shouted (like an idiot, mind you) as he threw his pokéball containing another pokéball, ehm, Voltorb.

"Get that Voltorb, Onix!" Brock shouted, the serpent charged forward and snapped the pokéball Pokémon in its mouth, closing it.

"Ack! What the hell are you doing? AAAAAaaah! Ka-Boom, Explode, TWICE!" he ordered. The Voltorb blew up inside Onix' mouth, the explosion inside its mouth hurt it very much, and it fainted. It fell down to the ground, letting the Voltorb come out from its mouth.

"Ha, I WON!" he screamed happily, doing a victory dance signing the "Kirby Victory" song.

"Shut up, kid! The bathrooms will STILL be called 'Johns', take that, bitch!" Brock growled, but he had to admit defeat. "Alright, alright, here's your stupid badge!" he snarled, picking up a grey badge and threw it with all his might at John.

John would've gone through what we readers go through almost every chapter, getting hit and bloody, if it wasn't for Farfetch'd. He had popped out from his pokéball and swung his leek hitting the badge sending it back to Brock who got right in the face.

"Ain't no one with no eyes gonna smack my trainer, that is so not Fetch, bitch!" Farfetch'd exclaimed, waving his leek at the bleeding Gym leader. Unfortunately, since Brock is so hard headed, the badge had gone to pieces.

"Farfetch'd, you talk! Admit it!" John accused.

Farfetch'd shrugged. "Far fetch'd fetch far?" he said, looking at him goofily.

John walked up to Brock, peering down at him. "Uhh, can I get another badge?" he asked.

"Eat shit, you frickin' brat, you're not getting another one! SCRAM!" Brock yelled. Farfetch'd ran up to him and had his leek around his neck.

Give him yer badge, or I'll cut yer head off!" he threatened. Brock screamed in fright and handed another boulder badge to John.

"Why, thank you!" John said, Farfetch'd let go of Brock and waddled up to John. "Why did you obey him? A leek can't cut a head off!"

Brock looked at him for a moment before screaming. "NOO! You tricked me, you talking duck!" Farfetch'd laughed at the silly gym leader. Brock brandished a katana from nowhere "Thee must not leave the gym of this!" he said as he charged. John ran out of the Gym and slammed the door shut, hearing a thud from the inside.

"Stupid Brock," John said, heading for the PokéCentre. When he arrived he saw a couple of adults and trainers gathered around the Television.

"What's on TV? I can't miss this episode of Sunset Beach!"

"Keep it down, it's the news, idiot!" one hushed.

"Yeah, it's about the Smoking Scythers in Viridian Forest!" another one stated. This caught John's interest, he sat down on the floor with his legs crossed and listened.

"So, Dr. Pennington, what is your conclusion?" the female reporter asked.

"Well, according to medical research we have stated that it isn't affecting the health of those Scythers. But it calms them down for roughly an hour, due to the smoke they inhale contains some sedating gas," the male doctor concluded.

"But how does that explain the theft of the boy's Charmander?" the reporter inquired. The doctor seemed upset over this.

"What do you think? They need to light those sticks!" He calmed down a little. "Anyway, since these leeks are a good way of keeping them calm and passive, letting us pass if we have a spare leek or something. But the fact that they robbed the grocery store in Viridian of all their leeks, we might consider to order more of those," he finished.

"Thank you very much for that," she said, turning to the camera. "And that's is what Dr. Pennington had to say about the medical effects, people should still be aware that when they feel a scent that make your nose twitch, you might be close to their smoking grounds." The doctor could be seen trying to get in front of the screen.

"But, no, let me-" he whined, but the female reporter continued.

"If you ever come across a Smoking Scyther, don't attempt to catch it, even though they are high, they can get very dangerous," she stated. She then got knocked down by the doctor who wasn't finished.

"I wasn't finished, B-(beeping sound)! A warning to all kiddies and teens, do NOT try to smoke leek, only Scythers can do so. A volunteer 12-year old kid named Shaun Perkins tested it and these were the results." A picture of a Charizard blowing flames at the Pallet Town lab appeared. Everybody in the room gasped, while some teens lowly said 'cool'.

"Ops, wrong picture, heh. HEY, SCHMUCKS! Get me the real picture!" A picture of a boy lying in a bed, located in a ward. His hair had changed colours of red and green, and his face was very pale. "See? This is caused by smoking leek, do not do that!"

John didn't have time to listen anymore so he walked up to the lobby and asked for a spare room. He'd sleep there later since he would celebrate later, the nightlife in Pewter was very fun, he had heard, at least from his dad.

He walked in to his room and rested in his bed, planning what he should do later in the night.

* * *

_**To be continued…**_

A/N

Well, I think that was it. I hoped you liked that, but I might be chopping this off. I could use some suggestions, thank you.


	6. Restlessness and other stuff

**Chapter 6**

A/N

I'm amazed at the number of reviews on this story, too bad it didn't go for my other one, this was 100 whining, don't mind that. This chapter will have a little suspense in it, so I hope you don't mind the repetition of things.

* * *

"_**Restlessness and other stuff"**_

When John was done resting in the PokéCentre he let his Farfetch'd out of his pokéball, the brownish duck Pokémon looked at him happily.

"Farfetch'd, we gotta talk," he said seriously. The duck eyed him suspiciously.

"Far, fetch's ferfetch'?" he said innocently.

"Don't hide it, you speak English, spit it out!" he demanded. The duck spit at his feet, glaring at him. "No, don't spit at me! Spill the beans, do you talk?" he demanded once again. This caused the Farfetch'd to search John's backpack for a tin of tinned beans. He opened them and spilled them all out on the floor.

"FARFETCH'D! Stop behaving like some idiot and admit it!"

"Admit what? Uhh, far fer fetch'd?" he said, blushing.

"See? You talked, why are you hiding it?"

"That's because it's not Fetch when humans know I talk! I could get caught!" he blurted out.

"But, you are caught… by me?" stated John. Farfetch'd slapped his own forehead with his wing.

"Oh, forgot."

"And what is this 'Fetch' you keep saying?"

"It's my word for cool, but that word isn't Fetch at all!" the brown duck snapped, smacking his trainer lightly at his leg.

"Ouch, mean duck! Anyway, I'm going out, and you and Ka-Boom will stay here because I don't want you to embarrass me this night!" he said while letting the Voltorb out from its pokéball. "You two should get acquainted, and I want this mess to be cleaned up when I come back, Farfetch'd!" he finished turning around to exit through the door.

Farfetch'd stuck out his tongue and blew a raspberry at the trainer. "I'll get you for this," he quacked as he picked up the beans, eating them in the progress. Ka-Boom just looked on joyfully.

John walked over to the computer in the lobby to call his dad. He had to tell him about the glorious news about the badge. When he called home, his father Edward picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hi, dad, I just called to tell you I got my first badge," he reported.

"How nice of you, there is something coming out of you after all," his father replied.

"Yeah, thanks. Say, dad, do you know some nice places to hang out in Pewter?" he asked.

"Hmm, I don't really think so, but I do think there's a museum or something," his father said.

"Oh, that sounds very fun," was a mellow reply from the stupid trainer.

"But your grandfather lives in Pewter, you know, Edgar," his father said.

"Really? Well, gotta go, dad, nice talking to you," John said as he slammed the receiver down. He exited through the doors and walked around in the city.

'_Hmm, what to do? Maybe I should go to the nearest café and chug down ten bottles of soda, yeah hat sounds okay,'_ he thought. _'I wonder if grandpa is around here…'_

(By the museum)

An old man sits on a bench, feeding some Pidgeys with pieces of bread. He wore a light brown coat with a brown hat, and he had brown hair and beard.

"Here, little Pidgey," he cooed, "I hate Pidgey," he then muttered. He reached for his cane and held it ready. "Come here, little one," he beckoned yet again. A little brown bird hopped forward carefully to eat the little piece of bread.

SMACK!

"That'll teach you stupid birds," he grumbled. A young man in the 19-23's came up to his and stood by the bench. The old man looked at the younger man in a while before speaking.

"Excuse me, young man," he grumbled. The younger man ignored him. "I said excuse me, young man!" The younger man turned around and looked at the older man.

"What?" he said in an incompetent tone, surely he was a little drunk, yet happy.

"Have you crapped in your pants?" asked the old man.

"Huh?"

"I said, have you crapped in your pants!" he asked again, irritated. The younger man laughed goofily for a while before answering.

"What kind of a question is that?" He continued to laugh. "Of course I have!"

"But why don't you go home and get a change then?" the old man suggested.

"Why?"

"Because you smell awful!"

"You think you're smart huh?" the young man threatened.

The old man wasn't fazed by that. "Don't make me want to kick your arse, young man."

The young man placed his foot on the bench ledge, pointing at his middle section. "I'll give you a free shot, old man!"

The old man looked at it for a while and turned his back against the younger man. "Not much of a target, now is it?" he mocked. This made the younger man even more upset.

"Hey, just because you're old doesn't mean you're some kind of wise guy, huh? I ought to- OW AAh Hey Stop AAAHHH!" he screamed as the old man started to hit him hard with his cane.

"Hey! Grandpa! Stop beating the young man!" John yelled from a distance, yep, this was Edgar, his grandfather. He was known to be a harsh old man.

"You want some of this too?" Edgar threateningly yelled as he swiped his cane on John's feet, tripping him. The young man had already made his escape.

"Hey, grandpa, OUCH! It's me, John! OW, DAMN!" he screamed as he was hit by the cane. Suddenly the old man stopped.

"John, long time, no see," he said cheerfully, jabbing hi in the stomach one last time with his cane, "that's for not writing any letters to me, so little brat!" he grumbled.

"Oooohh!" was John's moan. Edgar helped his grandson up to his feet.

"How come you're here anyway? Have you started your training journey?"

"Yeah, I have, I've already achieved my first badge," he said through some lack of breathing.

"That's good to hear, son!"

"Yeah, say, grandpa, do you know any good places to hangout around here?"

"Of course, there is the Pokémon Museum over there, let's go inside," suggested Edgar.

"Eh, I think I'll pass," John said, backing away, only to get dragged into the museum.

"You need to learn some history or everybody will look at you like some idiot!" Edgar growled.

"But I already am an idiot!" protested John.

_(Story pause)_

John: Okay, you're about to go way to far soon!

Me: Let me think about that… no!

John: Listen, you don't have to make to stupid-

Me: But the readers want that!

Readers: Well, seeing John being a dumbass is starting to get a little old…

John: See? (Smirks)

Me: Grr, okay, okay, but I'll get you for this John, trust me.

John: I think you're the idiot, since this made absolutely no sense.

Me: What? Watch it before I make you a Mary Sue!

John: No please, no, don't do that.

Me: I will

John: If you do that, I'll have my Electrode to blow you up, TWICE!

Me: Ooookay, I got the message.

_(Story Continues)_

"But I already went through that museum last time I was here!" he protested.

"I know that, but you do not remember anything since you're only ten years old and it was three years ago you were inside the museum! Get your arse in there NOW!" Edgar finally yelled.

_(At the PokéCentre)_

Farfetch'd strolled around, bored while picking up the beans he had spilled out.

'This is boring, soon I'm done picking up those beans, but after that I'll be so bored,' he whined.

'Suit yourself, Farfetch'd, you spilled them out, and besides, you're eating most of them,' Ka-Boom stated.

'Well, he told me to!' protested Farfetch'd, having finished picking up the beans. He leaped up and sat on the bed next to Ka-Boom. 'Now, what to do?'

'I don't know, what do you think John is doing right now?' the Voltorb asked.

'Probably having the most Fetch time in his life.' Farfetch'd folded his wings and sulked. Voltorb rolled its eyes. Farfetch'd's eyes lit up when he came up with a funny idea. 'I got the most Fetch thing we could do! Get over here!' he said, waddling towards John's backpack.

'What are you going to do?' said the electric Pokémon.

'Wait for it…' said the duck. Voltorb rolled its eyes again and rested in the comfy bed. 'TADA!' Farfetch'd exclaimed happily, dressed in John's spare red t-shirt that was way to big for him, ad he had his trademark baseball cap on his head. He had pulled it together a little so he could get out his wings out of the short sleeves.

'Hahaha!' Ka-Boom laughed, 'you look ridiculous!'

Farfetch'd joined the laughter, picking up three pokéballs from the backpack. 'Watch this.' He started to juggle the balls, singing a song, the Voltorb continued to laugh. 'Three little pokéballs flew in the air, one got thrown,' the duck threw away a pokéball. The red and white metallic ball hit a bookshelf which broke, sending all books in a pile below, '…and a pile was shown,' Farfetch'd rhymed.

'Hohohaha! Stop, I'm dying!' Ka-Boom pleaded, almost choking in laughter. (How that's possible is beyond me)

Farfetch'd juggled the remaining two pokéballs with his right wing. 'Two little pokéballs flew in the air, one was kicked,' he kicked one of the pokéballs, which sailed into the wall, ricocheting into the dustbin. '…and the bin was tricked!' he rhymed, starting to juggle the last ball by kicking it in the air.

'Wheeheheheeee!' The Voltorb spun around fast, showing a very happy look.

'One little pokéball flew in the air, one was…' he had suddenly stopped, the pokéball dropped to the ground and rolled on the floor innocently.

'Hey, why did you st-'

'Hush!' hushed the duck, breathing more rapidly. 'Quick! HIDE!' he shouted, diving in under the blankets, shaking. The Voltorb closed its eyes, camouflaging as a pokéball. Farfetch'd carefully peeked out from under the blankets, he had been through feelings like these before, and he hated them.

A Scyther was nearby.

A creaking sound was heard from the window, Farfetch'd quickly his under the blankets, hoping that the mantis wouldn't find him. But he couldn't resist shaking in fear. He heard a pair of feet jump in from the window, clawed, reptilian feet. He heard it walk around in the room, searching for something, probably him, his kind had always been hunted by… them.

The Voltorb casually opened its eyes, seeing the Scyther he had met yesterday. It saw the mantis quietly search the room, opening drawers with its claws.

Farfetch'd used all of his strength to stop shaking, but he couldn't fight that fear. He heard it sniffing, and approaching steps. It had picked up the scent of him, it was over. He tightened his grip on his leek, waiting. The blanket was violently dragged off, showing a vile Scyther's face, Farfetch'd squealed in fright, curling in to a ball.

'Long time… no see. Hand over that leek, bird!' it demanded, but he held his leek tight. 'Seriously, just give it to me and we're both fine.'

'No! It's mine, you stupid bug!' he yelled as he smacked the bug in the face with his weapon. Scyther just chuckled, amused by the brown duck. It placed its claw behind him and forced him closer to it.

'It's you, or the leek, now hand it over before I'll-' It paused, something wasn't right. It looked at the door, someone was approaching. 'You got lucky this time, but next time we meet,' it slid the scythe along the duck's neck before turning around, exiting through the window.

The door opened, revealing a teenage blonde who looked in the room. "Nope, this isn't my room," he stated to himself and exited.

Farfetch'd sat up in the bed and started to cry, the Voltorb rolled up and comforted him.

'It's gone now, it won't come back for the rest of the night,' it assured. Farfetch'd wailing slowly stopped.

'I guess you're right, let's play another game, it's called 'Officer Farfetch'd!'

'Sounds fun, will we play it now?' requested the ball Pokémon.

'There's one little thing I need to do, I'll be back soon." He waddled away.

_(Story Pause… again)_

Farfetch'd: Hey, Author! Get your ass over here!

Me: Now what?

Farfetch'd: This was supposed to be a comedy, but this was way to uncomedy to me!

Me: What are you gonna do about it?

Farfetch'd: THIS! (Starts hitting me with its leek)

Me: Ouch, stop, stop! OOOWW!

Ka-Boom: And this is for calling me 'Ball Pokémon'! (Blows up)

Me (Soot black and defeated): Okay, I promise not to do it too much uncomedy, that isn't even a word, but I promise, stop hitting me!

Farfetch'd & Ka-Boom: Good. (Walks away)

_(Story Continue)_

'Okay,' the duck said, 'here's how to play: I'm the drill sergeant and you are Private Voltorb.'

'Sounds fun, how do I do?'

'You obey my orders PRIVATE! TEN HUT!' Farfetch'd yelled, standing straight up. 'GIVE ME TWENTY!' he demanded loudly.

'Twenty what?' the Voltorb asked.

'It's twenty what SIR!

'Twenty Thunderbolts, sir?' Farfetch'd placed both of his hands on his head in anguish.

'NO! Twenty push-ups!' the duck corrected.

'Will do… but… I don't have any hands, sir!' stated Ka-Boom

Farfetch'd sweat dropped. 'Never mind, let's march! Hut two three four, HUT two three four, HUT two three four…' They continued to march round the room, with Farfetch'd in the front twirling his stick.

'Give me an 'F'!' Farfetch'd shouted.

'F!' the Voltorb replied.

'Give me an E, give me a T, give me a C, give me an H!'

'E, T, C, H!'

'What does it spell?' asked the duck Pokémon.

'…I don't know! I can't spell!' Ka-Boom stated. Farfetch'd sweat dropped again.

The door burst open by a tired John.

"That was my worst… night… ever," he said lowly to himself, expecting a good rest. He saw the room in a total mess, and both of his Pokémon smiled at him. "AAAAHH! What have you guys been doing? That is my t-shirt, Farfetch'd, RAAAAHH!" he yelled as he chased the leek wielding duck to get his t-shirt.

_**To be complained...

* * *

**_

A/N

Guess that was it… I missed my deadline which was at 00:00 am, I missed it with 30 minutes, oh well, no one is perfect.


	7. A Stroll not far from Mt Moon

**Chapter 7**

Hiya, a long time since last time? Eh? (Faces a bunch of pissed readers) Whoa whoa, easy now, I've had my priorities you know, heh.

Anyway, I hope you'll like this chapter, and I hope I'm not doing the same stupid mistake in chapter 6.

* * *

"**_A Stroll not far from Mt Moon"_**

John was walking down some rocky route, the author is too stupid to know which number the route is simply because he never played the game! Nevertheless, after that John had had his ordeal in the PokéCentre with his shirt and Farfetch'd insisting on borrowing it he gave in and let him have it, though Farfetch'd never wore it in battle, duh!

"So, Farfetch'd, soon we're at Mt Moon, do you know that place any good?" asked John.

"Well, do I look like some kind of guide to you? What in the name of everything Unfetch are you thinking?" Farfetch'd spat back.

"Sorry…"

"Use that red thingamajig for instance," suggested the brown duck.

John smiled at the duck when he took his Pokédex up, activating it. He entered "Mt Moon" on it.

"_Mt Moon: It is very well-known for the rare stone called Moonstone that can be found inside. It is infamous for the amount of OT's that has been left there to… well… be there since their 'leader' was too lazy to instruct them what to do. Pokémon that usually resides there are Zubat, Geodude, and Paras. Onixes can be found there too, but you better leave them alone, unless you plan on being crushed alive. To proceed safely through the mountain just follow the signs saying "to the exit", if you can read, you Schmuck!"_ it beeped.

John sighed, putting the Pokédex in his pocket.

"_Ah! Never have I been treated in such a rude manner! I will go to the union with this!"_ the Pokédex protested in his pocket. Irritated, he brought it up again and looked at it.

"Uhm, there is no union for Pokédexes, sorry."

"_Don't you dare shutting me off! I warn you if you-"_ John had shut the Pokédex off.

"Hey, John, you actually said something smart!" complimented Farfetch'd, "Now it's not long until the Apocalypse is near! TAKE COVER!" Farfetch'd dove behind some rocks, out of John's sight.

"Funny, Farfetch'd, excuse me for trying to act normal," John replied, a little sadly. But he didn't get any response, which worried him. "Farfetch'd?"

Still no response.

"This isn't funny, get over here!" john walked towards the rocks Farfetch'd had dove into, expecting the duck to jump out or something. He heard a faint hissing coming from there.

"Kansssss," it said. John approached slowly, peeking between two rocks. What he saw scared him a little.

A purple snake had Farfetch'd cornered; the snake had all of its attention towards the duck, tasting him with its forked tongue. John silently snuck away, trying to get behind the snake. Activating his Pokédex would only result it hurling abuse at him, so that option was not a good one.

"John, I need some help here, please. An Ekans is trying to eat me here and it's not really fetch to die now," whined Farfetch'd. The hissing grew a little louder and sharper, and John heard the duck yelp in fright.

"Nice Ekans, niiice Ekans. Miss, don't do anything rash, you'll only regret it later. I taste like leather!" The Ekans, slithered closer, wrapping her body around Farfetch'd. she didn't start squeezing right away, she hissed in Farfetch'd's ear first.

John had now snuck up close behind the two Pokémon, he saw Farfetch'd's pleading look when the snake Pokémon had begun to squeeze lightly.

"Let go of Farfetch'd, you stupid snake!" he ordered. Ekans turned her head around lightning quick, glaring at him with her yellow eyes. John froze in his tracks, falling backwards in fright. Farfetch'd just sighed.

"John, you idiot."

Ekans let go of Farfetch'd and slithered towards John, who was frozen in fear. Farfetch'd couldn't move out of his spot, since his feet/talons had been stuck under a rock.

The Ekans raised her head to John's eyelevel, still gazing at him with her black slit pupils that seemed to penetrate his mental defence.

"Look, Ekans, uh, I never meant what I said, really, heh." Ekans started to wrap around his chest. "I mean, heh, you're quite good looking, for such a beautiful snake like… you," he said. Ekans loosened her grip and tilted her head, looking at him curiously before snuggling him in his neck.

John responded with stroking the scaled skin carefully, and the Ekans relaxed a little.

"Sorry to break the happy new friendship, but I still need help over here!" Farfetch'd whined. "Just use your pokéball and recall me!"

"I think he likes me," said John, petting the snake. But upon saying that, the snake hissed fiercely.

"It's a she, moron! Now RECALL ME!"

"Sorry, miss Ekans," he quickly excused, and the snake went friendly again, clinging onto his chest. John got to his feet, still with the Ekans hugging him, and grabbed a pokéball. "Which button is it, Farfetch'd?" he asked absentmindedly.

"There's only one button! Which one do you think it is!" Farfetch'd yelled. John recalled him, and shortly after released him on the ground. Farfetch'd looked at John and Ekans. "It seems she have a crush on you, heh, but that doesn't matter…"

"What do you mean?"

"She tried to eat me, John, you're not catching this one, and she'll kill us all! She'll eat me, and poison you while you're sleeping."

"Ka-Boom?"

"I don't really know about it."

"Hmm, Ekans, could you please get off me?" The Ekans nodded and slithered off him. "Look, I don't think I want to catch you." The Ekans hissed at the duck.

"Shut up, you li'l snake!"

"What did she say, Farfetch'd?" John asked.

"She claims that I'm a first class liar that she'd like to poison me any minute. Trust me, John, Poison Pokémon are unreliable, don't catch them. Besides, they are all weak, it's either she or me, John. It's you call."

John thought for a while, both Farfetch'd and Ekans looked intensively at him, hoping that head make the right choice. "I want an ice cream," he then said out of the blue. His eyes started to twitch as he was smiling insanely. "HAHA! I scream, you scream, everybody screams for ICE CREAM!" Both Pokémon looked at him strangely.

"Which ice cream flavour? VICH FLAVOUOUUR DO MEIN HERR VANT? Straaavberri? Oraaange? Meelooniez? Boysenberries? Cucumber & BAAACOOON!" John randomly shouts out in German accented English, having gone completely insane.

'Sugar-high, right?' asked Ekans.

'No, miss, brain overload or something. Maybe he short-circuited," Farfetch'd explained.

"MUUUSTAAARDED REEETAAARD! KETCHUP! ONION! GARLIC! HAWT DAWGS AND BRAAAAATWUUUURST MIT SAUUERKRAUUT!" He breathed heavily, taking a pause. "I am the head of Pewter Police Department and I order you to dress up properly as a hooker, Jenny! MAYBE THEN you can arrest those hos during nightshift!"

'But it could be the Pokérus, miss, but he seems kinda Fetch right now,' said Farfetch'd.

"Kentucky Fried FARFETCH'D! And for dessert a BAKED ALASKAAAAA… HAHA! And we will prepare with the almighty…" At an instant, he changed back to normal. "I'm sorry Ekans but I think I'll go with Farfetch'd. Maybe we'll see each other sometime…" he then said, completely changed back to normal.

'OMG,' Ekans said, saying the letters.

'WTF?' Farfetch'd replied, doing the same.

_(Later)_

"John, what happened back there? You were, like, Fetching crazy!"

"Crazy? Me? What are you talking about?" replied John. "And besides, you should thank me for still living."

"Thank you? If you had some common sense, you would have used the pokéball in the first place!" John looked down, blushing. "We're closing in to Mt Moon, care to race?" He requested, "The winner is regarded as the most Fetch person in the history of Fetch."

"Sounds cool, let's RUN! ABSOLUT VODKA!" shouted John before taking off. Farfetch'd, however, had already won the race since he was quicker, don't ask me how or why. But John had to do it… he ran into the wall.

"John, when you run up to a wall, there's something called stop," said Farfetch'd kneeling down at John. "Something's bothering you, John, what is it?"

"It's Ekans, I think she liked me pretty much, you know. She looked so heartbroken when I left, and so… abandoned."

"How many times do I have to tell you? Poison Pokémon trouble, death and other mishaps. They also tend to lower your status for some reason. Good thing there aren't any Poison Legendaries out there."

"Well, I guess you're right then," admitted John. "Before we advance to far in, let's take a rest or something, I'm dog tired."

They both made up a good resting place, and slept for a while. But they were both unaware of a certain tall teen with a katana who was at a distance away from them.

"John, you mustn't live to tell what happened in Pewter, my honour can't be afforded to be hurt!"

_DUN, DUN, DUUUUN_.

…Whatever that means…

**_To be contained…

* * *

_**

A/N

Well, this might be one of the lamest chapters ever, and most humourless, but hey, I mean, you know, whatever…


	8. Mt Moon Encounters

**_Chapter 8_**

Disclaimer: Apart from Pokémon, I do not own the jokes coming from other movies, and I do not own the song in this fic!

I probably lost a great deal of readers due to chapter 6 and 7, but hey, humour is humour. If you want to read it, read it.

This chapter was inspired of a movie I watched too many times. I'm not going to tell the name of the movie or I'll ruin the whole chapter! It's noted at the end, ya!

And here's chapter no. eight of John's adventures, with his co-star Farfetch'd and Voltorb (Ka-Boom).

Since there are two main types of speeches, I'll list them one last time.

"Normal Speaking"

'Translated Pokémon Speaking'

* * *

"**_Mt Moon Encounters"_**

"Well," said John, "it was a nice rest." After a while, he noticed that he was talking to himself. He let out Farfetch'd out of his pokéball to get some company. He also let Ka-Boom out.

"So, guys, do you think it'll be easy enough to go through this cave?" he asked them, or mostly Farfetch'd since he could speak English.

Farfetch'd began to waddle back and forth, his hands behind his back. "Hmm," he hummed, looking down, pondering. "I don't really know, John, rocky places isn't Fetch for me. With all those Rock Pokémon and that, Zubats and bloodsucking Golbats!" He shuddered at the second Pokémon, "I hate Poison Pokémon…"

"So you don't know anything…" concluded John. Farfetch'd shook his head. "So, Ka-Boom, what do you know of this place?" he asked, kneeling to Ka-Boom's level.

"Vol, tolbelol volt bolt Voltorb vorb torb!" the Electric Pokémon said. Confused, John looked at Farfetch'd wanting him to interpret.

Farfetch'd sighed. "Well, he said that while you were sleeping, he banged your mum!"

John looked at Ka-Boom darkly for a moment. "RAAaah!" he screamed as he tried to strangle the Voltorb (And how the heck do you do that?). Farfetch'd couldn't believe that John actually fell for that so he had to stop him from, uh, choking Ka-Boom by smacking his leek on John's head.

John let go of the Voltorb, which didn't seem to be any hurt, just confused, and looked at Farfetch'd. "Very funny, Farrie, what did Ka-Boom say, honestly." John didn't get an answer right away, what he got was a leek smashed in his face. "OOOWWW, AAAAHAAHAAA! WHYY DID YOU DO THAT!" he screamed, clutching his face.

"Because no one calls me that!" growled Farfetch'd, poised to smack John if he tried to retaliate. Seeing that John starts to calm down, Farfetch'd begin to stroke his leek. "This leek is so Fetch!" He kisses the leek.

"Ohh, my face… Farfetch'd, what did Ka-Boom say?" John asked again, rubbing his face.

"Oh yeah, he said this: Mt Moon is the place of where Moon Stones can be found. They are however very rare and it involves danger to look for them since Team Rocket always seem to be there for no particular reason."

"Team Rocket? What's that?" asked John.

Farfetch'd sighed. "Team Rocket is-"

"No wait, I know!" interjected John, receiving a look from Farfetch'd that said 'Wow, you know something…' He took a deep breath before speaking. "Team Rocket is an evil team of rockets that are aimed at us, and if we stay here we will be hit by them rockets and BLOW UP!"

Farfetch'd slapped his own forehead and Voltorb did the same, how it did, don't ask!

"No, no, no, no!" excused John quickly, waving his hands very quickly. "I meant that there's a whole another concept! Look, the Rockets are firing Rocket Launchers at us, it's like, reversed psychology of some sort!" He smiled proudly of his discovery.

"I give up…" mused Farfetch'd, sitting down. "Can we go in already?" he pleaded.

"Yeah, why not?" replied John as they walked into Mt Moon. Farfetch'd waddled after his trainer, while Ka-Boom eagerly rolled after.

The cavern was pretty well lit, thanks to the light bulbs that were hanging along the wall. John was becoming restless of the walking and began kicking some rocks.

"Phooey! This cave is waaay to cavey! PHOOEY!" John whined. Farfetch'd resisted the urge to pick up a random rock and knock it with his leek right on the head of his annoying trainer.

"Keep it down, will ya, John?" the duck demanded, "remember what that Pokédex said about those sleeping Onixes?" John nodded, keeping silent. Farfetch'd were bored too, by the way, he kicked up a pretty big rock and batted it away with his leek. He watched the rock fly away, and he let out a mellow 'Homerun' accompanied with the Homerun song.

'Ouch! You stupid duck!' the rock growled, but was unheard. The Geodude that had been mistaken for a rock had had enough of being that, it was time for revenge!

John & co proceeded deeper into the tunnel complex, with complex I meant a very straight forward way to the exit. John didn't encounter any wild Pokémon, probably because he had chosen to remain as quiet as possible so he wouldn't wake up any sleeping Onixes.

Farfetch'd broke the silence. "I hate to admit it, but I actually agree with you, John." John looks at him questioningly. "With this cave being so utterly boring! QUACK!" quacked Farfetch'd, muttering profanities and curses in his natural language.

Another five minutes passed, they walked through the extremely boring cave where nothing happened.

"So, Farfetch'd, what did you do back in the days before I caught you?" asked John. The brown duck responded first by coughing sarcastically.

"Caught? To remind you, we made a deal, which consisted of me joining you if you got me a brand new leek. The deal is that I serve as your Pokémon, and you're making sure I have a leek!"

"Wha?"

"If you break the contract, John, I might have to get my associates to 'take care' of you. Trust me, you don't want that. You did buy additional leeks in case I'd lose this one, didn't you?"

"…no…" squeaked John.

Farfetch'd waved the stick at John threateningly. "Then you better buy a stock in the next town! You never did read the fine print, did you?" John shook his head. "Wow, what a surprise… you better make sure to keep my leek away from those Scyther potheads, and in case you wondered, my associates… are not of my kind," warned Farfetch'd.

"Ooookay…" John mused, not getting a single thing.

Farfetch'd jerked his head upwards, sensing something. "Something's coming…" A rolling sound was heard; it became louder and louder as it approached. A boulder was rolling towards the group; it missed and hit the wall. A pair of arms the sprouted out of the boulder, revealing the boulder Pokémon Geodude.

'There you are you stupid duck!' it said to Farfetch'd, shaking a fist. It was obviously very angry of what Farfetch'd had done before. John didn't understand anything of course.

'Whoa, excuse you for looking like a baseball!' quacked Farfetch'd, using his regular tongue. The Geodude grunted as it pounded both fists on the rock floor, and then waving its rocky finger at Farfetch'd.

'I thought we made it clear to you that you were not welcome here anymore, and yet you barge in with that human and use me as a baseball?'

Farfetch'd scoffed and raised his left wing, giving the Geodude the finger.

Geodude crossed his stony arms. 'You know, Mr Farfetch'd, the good thing about me…' The Geodude paused, closing his eyes. '…is that there are so many me's.'

Silence.

'Huh?' wondered the Geodude. 'I said that there are so many me's!' It was still silent. 'Dammit!' the boulder cursed, pounding the ground, 'why doesn't it work? Give me a sec.' The Geodude rolled away for a moment.

Geodude had rolled up to a big stereo equipment. It checked the various options it had set not long ago. 'What's wrong with this metal piece of junk? ARRGH! It's killing me! Why doesn't the music start?' It picks up cover of the CD that's currently in and reads it. 'Let's see… track no. 14 it is…' starts pushing various buttons on the stereo. 'There… and there… now, set to start in 10 seconds…' Geodude quickly rolls back to where John & co are.

John & co just stood there, not having the smallest idea of that they could have run at this moment. Geodude came rolling quickly and spoke hastily.

'Thegoodthingaboutbeingmeisthattherearesomanyme's!'

_(Music starts)_

_Song: "Three Cigarettes in an Ashtray" by Patsy Cline_ (Country like song)

_Two cigarettes in an ashtray…_

_My love and I in a small café…_

_Then a stranger… came along…_

_And every… thing went wrong…_

_Now there are three cigarettes in the ashtray (in the ashtray)_

Geodude put its hands on his head, getting completely mad, and red faced.

'NOOO! WRONG SONG!' It quickly rolls away.

SMASH! CRASH! BZZT KA-BLAMM-BOOM!

"What a loser…" muttered Farfetch'd, while John was laughing his ass off.

But they never preceded that far…

'Hold it right there, Duckie!' Five Geodudes surrounded the duo (John had recalled Ka-Boom in case it would fancy exploding), circling them gleefully. 'Well, well, well. What do we have here? A little duck with his human companion.' They lined up in a straight line, watching them.

The leader of them, which seemed to be slightly bigger, rolled up closer to the duck, watching his leek. 'Still playing with food, aren't you? Didn't you mother teach you not to do that?' it asked mockingly, the rest of them laughed lowly, sending leers to the duck.

'I've had enough of you, Duke Geo. This is going to end right here, right now!' snarled Farfetch'd. 'Today I'm taking you down! Let's dance, Dickweed!'

'You wanna dance, Fatchie?' asked Duke Geo, who picked up a stiletto from his back. 'I want polka.' The four other Geodudes wield different kind of weapons, ranging from chains to shovels.

Farfetch'd quickly handed his leek to John, who took it and pocketed it in his inner jacket, keeping a solemn stare towards the armed Geodudes. Farfetch'd reached behind his back and drew a wooden stick that was painted so it looked like a leek. John picked up a hand grenade, holding it straight forward, still keeping his gaze at the boulder Pokémon.

'Come get a taste!' Farfetch'd hissed, narrowing his eyes. The Geodudes looked at their victims, ready to attack. Farfetch'd looked briefly at John, noticing he was holding a grenade.

'Whoa! John, where'd you get a hand grenade?' he asked.

John kept looking at the Geodudes solemnly, "I don't know," he simply said. Farfetch'd looked at the Geodudes again, who were ready to attack any second.

'All right,' said Duke Geo, 'let's do this!'

But before they attacked, they heard something else approach.

"NO, YOU DON'T!" A figure leapt down from a higher plateau. He had a graceful white mantle that was red on the inside. And the rest of his clothing was angelic white. He also held a katana in his hands. The person was none other than…

Brock?

"If you're gonna have a fight, don't forget me, Brock Rockstone of Pewter Gym!" he said lowly.

Farfetch'd looked at him, shocked and dumbfounded. "You dirtbag will always end up as the weakest Gym Leader in Kanto!" he mocked.

"Oh yeah?" Brock hissed, "You will end up as… a Peking Duck!" he looked at John, who still had his gaze towards the Geodudes. "And you will not live to tell the humiliation from yesterday, John!"

A faint buzzing sound was heard, and it was getting closer too.

'Not so fast, you weaklings!' a familiar voice exclaims. A group of four Scythers had arrived, but they didn't have any weapons, since they already had their scythes. 'Viridian Scythers are here. And we're taking a break from leek smoking to kick some ass! No leeks, NO MERCY!' the other three cried a war cry, and approached the ring of fighters. One of the Scythers coughed lightly.

"Clefairy!" said a voice; it was very light and at an instant, ten pinkish creatures that resembled a fairy… or something.

'Good day, BITCHES!' one of them squeaked. That one was wielding a leather whip, while the other ones wielded meat cleavers, axes, nunchakus and such 'It's time for us that we show what we're made of! There will be much less of you Geodudes and Scythers, YAA, YAA!' she screams, whipping her whip a couple of times.

Every body were now gathered in a big ring of different teams. Farfetch'd walked into the middle of the ring, raising both his wings. 'Before we begin, let's go through the rules. Rule no. 1: No Feather Plucking.'

All of the fighters nod. 'Of course,' said the Scyther, rolling its eyes.

'And that's ALL! Let's get this started!' exclaimed Farfetch'd, walking back to John, who STILL stared at the Geodudes. Every fighter waited for the signal, silently snarling at each other. Brock held his katana firmly, waiting to dash forward. A Geodude clenched its fists, on which it had put brass knuckles on. The Scythers were eyeing Farfetch'd's leek, and the Clefairies snapped their jaws.

'BEGIN!' Farfetch'd screamed. Everybody rushed towards each other, batting down, slicing and punching.

_**To be contained…

* * *

**_

John: No, not a cliffhanger here! Curse you, EkaSwede! I hate cliffhangers!

A/N

Yup, you probably recognized the scene, but I already disclaimed it, so don't nag on me about it! You'll get a cookie if you can guess what movie that inspired me (Not the Matrix one, the other one). Until then… I don't know what to end this note with…


	9. A Serpent's Intervention

**Chapter 9**

Sorry, y'all. I've had a writer's block on this story (thanks to the stupid cliffhanger in the last chapter) but I've also worked on another story. Since quizzes aren't really allowed in stories, I'll give you the movie that inspired me the last chapter...

(Drum roll)

Anchorman, pretty funny movie!

Enjoy this chapter!

* * *

"**_A Serpent's Intervention"_**

The brawl in the cave turned out to be ravage. War cries were heard, especially when John screamed like a maniac while holding the grenade in his hand. No one actually knew what they were fighting about, strangely.

A Scyther came rushing to strike a Geodude, but the rock Pokémon grabbed it with its stony hands and threw it away a long distance. The Geodude smirked at the sight, having defeated another enemy.

John held his hand grenade in his arm, still screaming. This method mostly worked, since no Pokémon dared to attack him. But eventually, he threw it away.

It was a dud.

"Aw, crap," he muttered, seeing a Clefairy attempting to smack him into unconsciousness with her staff.

'AIIYAA!' she screamed, smacking him on his head.

Farfetch'd was having a hard time dealing with two Geodudes and a Scyther. The Geodudes were armed with a chainsaw and a pool stick. He fended them off with his fake, wooden leek skilfully.

John somehow managed to rip the staff from the Clefairy's grip so he could defend himself against Brock's katana. But Brock was surprisingly good with that weapon, however.

"Give up, John, you can't defend yourself with that weak staff of yours!" Brock taunted, readying a swing of his katana. "Prepare to die, fool!"

"Uh, my name isn't fool! It's John!" he countered, smacking his staff right between Brock's sensible parts in between the legs. Brock dropped his katana and grabbed his crotch in pain, falling in a heap.

"Yeah!" cheered John, swinging his staff backwards in triumph, accidentally knocking down two Clefairies. "I rock!" In a last victory swing, he knocks down two Geodudes.

The duck was beginning to fall into trouble, the Geodudes and Scythers had teamed up against him. It became harder to fend them off. But a Geodude managed to sneak behind him and grab both his wings, holding them behind his back.

'My little duck friend,' the Scyther started, grinning maliciously. 'Only you can end this, give me your leek and we'll leave you alone… for a while.'

'A leek?' Farfetch'd first asked, wondering if that was some kind of a sick joke. 'A frickin' leek? Is that what this was all about?'

The Scyther nodded. 'So will you give it to me? And spare future trouble?'

'No!'

'WHAT?' the Scyther barked, closing in to the duck. 'It's either you, or the leek, duckie. The Clefairies have been scared off now, so it's just you and me. And the leek, of course.'

'Okay, youcanhaveit,' Farfetch'd said very quickly as the Scyther snapped it from him. The mantis held the leek in its mouth and examined its taste.

Suddenly, it spat it out, snarling.

'It's a fake! You had a real one before you entered this cave!' It leaned closer, smirking. 'I assure you, no leek, no living.' It licked its fangs.

'The human has it!' said the duck, letting the trouble on John immediately.

The Scyther turned around just in time to get a staff smacked on its head. It fell down on the ground and John smacked the Geodudes.

"Wait a minute… wasn't it supposed to be the other way around?" he mused. "Oh, what's that?" He bent down, and a Scyther miraculously swooped directly over him, flying into the wall. What John found was the hand grenade that didn't work.

"Now I know it didn't work! I forgot to pull off the safety pin!" he exclaimed jollily and pulled it off with his mouth, spitting out the pin. Every Pokémon in the vicinity went pale (don't ask me how or why, since they don't have any skin like humans).

"John, for the love of Lugia!"

"Love of Luigi? What are you talking about Farfetch'd?" he asked stupidly, holding the grenade. And of course, he lets go of the safety trigger.

Farfetch'd ran up to John and snatched the grenade from his hands. The duck threw it away and waited for the explosion. John plugged his ears with his fingers

**KA-BOOM!**

It was a loud bang, but it didn't cause any rockslides though. But it made John's ears ring a little afterwards. After unplugging his ears John looked around, picking up his staff. Brock suddenly attacked him from behind, but John just turned around, accidentally smacking Brock in his crotch again.

"Ooohh… that's it! I'm outta here!" he whined, and left the cave.

"I think we should get going too, Farfetch'd," said John, and turned to leave. But a Scyther stepped in front of him.

'Not so fast!'

"Uhh, what did it say?" he asked.

"It said it would slice both your arms off and eat your heart for causing that ear damage to it," the duck said.

John readied his staff (he seemed to like it, even though he stole it from that Clefairy.). "Hell no!" He swatted the mantis on the head with his staff, knocking it down. But by doing so, two more Scythers and three Geodudes surrounded him and Farfetch'd.

"Nice going, John," he muttered, rolling his eyes. He jumped up and grabbed his collar. "Listen, those Scythers want my leek, you're not giving them that leek or I'll make sure you only have one eye when we exit this cave, got it?" he whispered. He then jumped down from his chest, facing the surrounding enemies.

The Scyther John knocked down earlier closed in to him, eyeing him nastily. Suddenly, it sliced John's staff into four pieces. He looked at the remaining piece he held and shrugged, throwing it over his shoulder.

The Scyther advanced even more, sniffing him. First he was dumbfounded, but realized that the mantis searched for the leek. He pushed it away and backed off. The Scyther snarled and swatted at him. He didn't scream like an idiot this time, he was too stupid to feel any pain at the moment. It resumed to the searching of the leek, and sniffed sharper in a pocket where it was hidden.

"No, stupid Scyther, stay away. Shoo!" he whined, trying to back off. But he stopped when he felt to pointy objects on his back. He slowly looked over his shoulder to see another Scyther standing wit its weapons pointing at him.

But then, all of a sudden, a rumble was heard.

The Geodudes immediately escaped, rolling away at the instant. So now there were only the Scythers, John and Farfetch'd. The Scythers looked around suspiciously at first, and then returned their attention to the two. The same Scyther pinned John up against the wall, searching for the leek again. Two other Scythers kept a keen eye on Farfetch'd, making sure he wouldn't try anything.

The rumble was heard again. This time the Scythers seemed worried. The one who searched John let him go, looking around nervously.

Then all of a sudden.

An angry looking Onix came crashing out of the ground, roaring angrily.

Farfetch'd cowered into a ball, and two Scythers hugged themselves in fright. Strangely enough, John and the Scyther that had him pinned hugged each other as well in fright, screaming.

Soon after they realized what they did, they screamed in each other's face and shoved each other away. John stared at the Onix, his whole body trembling in fright.

'WHO WOKE ME UP FROM MY SLUMBER?' it roared, making everybody jump in fright. All of the Scythers pointed at John, who felt exposed. But John also noticed that Farfetch'd was pointing at him.

"You snitch!" he accused, glaring at Farfetch'd. But then looked at the pissed Onix. "Ehh, eh, he did it!" he exclaimed, pointing at a wall randomly, whistling innocently.

The rock snake charged at him and coiled its rocky body around him, keeping a tight grip. It raised his body so he closed into its face. He gulped.

'HOW DARE YOU TO WAKE ME UP AT A TIME LIKE THIS?' it bellowed. John tried to figure out what it said.

"Y-you want this leek too?" he asked, unable to move his arms. The Onix roared lightly at him, as if giving him a warning. "Please, let me go, and I'll never bother you again. I promise!"

The rock snake regarded him for a while, tightening and loosening its grip during the time. But suddenly it let him go.

Unfortunately he landed face first on the rocky ground, causing a nosebleed.

"AAAAHHH, MY NOSE! EEEEHH!" he screamed, running around.

The Onix seemed quite amused, but groaned due to a headache, which must've been the cause of the temper. It turned to the group of Scythers, and roared.

'AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? ARE YOU NOT SUPPOSED TO BE IN YOUR TURF?' All of the Scythers backed off. Due to their double weakness to the rock type they were scared.

John and Farfetch'd seized the opportunity to run away. The Onix glanced at them and shrugged, not wanting to bother them anymore. But the Scyther looked exasperated as their victims escaped them.

'NOW, MY FELLOW BUGS,' the Onix started, keeping a bright glare at the mantises. 'YOU HAVE A LOT OF EXPLAINING TO DO, AND YOU BETTER KEEP IT STRAIGHTFORWARD BECAUSE I HAVE A MIGHTY HEADACHE!'

The leader of the groups stepped forward trembling. 'Well, great Onix, we are very sorry over that we disturbed your sleep, but we think how to fix that headache of yours.'

'HOW?' the Onix questioned, lowering its face to the Scyther's level. The Scyther backed off a little, trying to stay solemn.

'Nothing solves a headache like a good old leek smoke!' it exclaimed in a salesman voice. It picked up a handful (or scytheful) of leeks.

'IF YOU SAY SO, BUT IT'LL TAKE MORE THAN ONE!'

John and Farfetch'd had stopped running, trying to catch their breath.

"Whew, it isn't following us, Farfetch'd," said John, looking behind him.

"Of course not! We're too Fetch to become Onix lunch, John. Now gimme my leek!" The duck extended his wing, wanting to get his leek. John dug through his pocket, searching for the leek.

"Uhh, I can't find it, Farfetch'd," he said awkwardly.

"That's because you're not digging your hand in your pocket, dumbass! You're digging in your fly, which in this case is OPEN! GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF!" the duck quacked, his feathers flying about due to the fit he was thrown into.

"D'oh! Here you are!" he handed over the leek to the duck, who gladly accepted it.

"Thanks, it feels Fetch to have my Fetch leek in my hands! Oh, there's the exit!"

"At last, I've had it with Mt Spoon, eh Moon!" John exclaimed happily, trotting his way out.

But little did he know that a very large figure had been waiting for him outside.

"_AT LAST YOU'RE HERE, INFIDEL! HOW DARE YOU TO MISUSE MY NAME?"_

_**To be contained… err… continued…

* * *

**_

John: Jeez! Not another cliffhanger!

Farfetch'd: They're not Fetch at all!

Ka-Boom: (Explodes)

A/N

Sorry for the long wait, but I've been busy with my other story. I hoped you liked this chapter though… But I think I'm losing the humour… meh…


	10. Odd Meetings

**Chapter 10**

Well, hi folks! It's time for a new chapter here, yeah.

Uh, Farfetch'd, what are you doing here?

Farfetch'd: I think I heard someone use my word Fetch! I must take care of that person quickly!

Me: Uhh, yeah, you can do that later… you have a story to star in!

* * *

"**_Odd Meetings"_**

John looked terrified at the direction where the voice had come from. He looked at a huge draconic creature whose body was covered in pale blue feathers. It stood on its powerful legs and had its, hand like feathers in a wingspan of five or six metres outstretched. It arched its long neck to look John in his eyes with its own eyes. Behind each eye was a black strip that ended in a spike. He knew what Pokémon that was…

Lugia, the God of the seas.

But what was the creature doing here anyway, outside of Mt Moon? Shouldn't this legendary Pokémon reside in the open seas?

He tried walking slowly backwards.

"_AHEM!"_ it bellowed, seeing John's attempt to walk away. _"You didn't answer my question, how dare you misuse my name?"_ it asked, narrowing its eyes.

"Eh, I have never misused your name, oh great Lugia of the seas," said John, scared so much he almost had pissed his pants.

Lugia remained silent for a while, tilting its head. _"LIAR!"_ it roared. The force of the voice sent John tumbling off his feet.

"Heh, do you know you'd make a good opera singer with a voice like that?" he said stupidly. Farfetch'd fell down animé style.

"_Eh?"_ said Lugia, wondering what the heck the human was saying.

"You know, for instance: The phantooooom of the opera is heeere, inside your miiind!" he sang, much out of tune though. He looked at Farfetch'd proudly, drumming his chest. But the poor duck seemed to be in pain.

"_I like the hang of it, human. Let me try, ahem,"_ it said, taking a deep breath.

"For the love of all Fetch, John, recall me! Recall me, recall me, recall me!" Farfetch'd pleaded. John shrugged and did that, recalling the duck Pokémon in his pokéball.

"_THE PHANTO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-M OF THE OPERA IS HE-E-E-RE, INSIDE YOUR MI-I-I-I-ND!"_ Lugia sang out loudly. The voice was so loud that John felt his whole body vibrate violently. Even the small stones on the ground danced on the rocky ground due to Lugia's powerful voice. John's eardrums would have exploded if it wasn't for him being an idiot.

"_So, how was it?"_ asked the legendary Pokémon, probably expecting some positive feedback.

"It was-" started John, but Farfetch'd popped out of his pokéball.

"It was horrible! You could wake the dead with a voice like that! Phooey!" spat the duck rudely, pointing his leek at the legendary.

Lugia jerked its head to look at the duck furiously. _"HOW DARE YOU INSULTING THE GUARDIAN OF THE SEAS!"_ it bellowed in Farfetch'd's face. The duck got wide-eyed and fell down to the ground.

"_Back to where I originally was,"_ said Lugia, turning to John sternly. _"When you were in the cave, you said my name was Luigi! My name is Lugia, you infidel!"_

"P-please, oh mighty Lui-Lugia," John pleaded, getting to his knees and prays. "I didn't mean it, I respect you very much and we praise you in my family and-"

"_Enough, human, you're forgiven…"_ said Lugia calmly, turning away to look at the cloud free sky.

"Thank you, thank you! I am eternally grateful for this mercy, oh mighty Lufia," thanked John, still on his knees.

But Lugia went wide eyed, and slowly turned to John, who suddenly shivered in fright of what he suddenly had said.

"_What?"_ said Lugia, _"Lufia?"_

"The game? I swear, I did not say that! I promise!" But Lugia growled mercilessly, preparing an Aeroblast attack.

But suddenly, a figure leapt down and landed between the two.

"Stop it!" he said. The figure turned out to be…

Dun, dun, duuun!

The Author! Me, duh!

"I am terribly sorry for this situation, Lugia, but it's my fault he said Lufia!" I excused.

"_Explain yourself!"_ demanded Lugia, looming over me dangerously.

"I slipped on the keyboard, you see, the G key is next to the F key and-"

An Aeroblast attack from Lugia struck me and sent me flying against a rock wall. But being the author and self-insert, I could not be killed… in the story of course!

"Meh, I hope I cleared up a thing or two. Bye, bye!" With that, I wrote myself out of the story and let it continue.

"_Stupid humans,"_ muttered Lugia. _"I will depart now, and you will not see me anymore in your life, human."_ But Lugia than sniffed the air, sensing something.

Suddenly, a lot of white smoke erupted from the exit of the cave John had been in. Three things…

Onix. Scythers. A lot of leeks.

But Lugia was sniffing at John curiously, yet disgusted in some way. And then it hopped back quickly.

"_By golly, human, you smell really bad!"_ scolded Lugia, waving its wing to blow the stench away.

"What, me?" John didn't have a clue of what Lugia was talking about.

"_What did you do, eh? Did you rub in Growlithe poop in your armpits or what?"_ it asked, trying to plug its muzzle.

"I don't see what you mean-"

"_A WARNING TO THE CITIES IN THE VICINITY, JOHN SEAN FULLERBY SMELLS LIKE CRAP!"_ Lugia announced very loudly.

"But you don't have to yell out so everybody knows!" complained John.

"_I got something for you!"_ Lugia cleared its throat very loudly, faking a spit on its wing. _"PITCH!"_ it shouted at him and threw nothing at John, but he flinched anyway. _"Strike one, disgusting human!"_

"And I who used to worship that one," mumbled Farfetch'd, sighing and shaking his head.

"_When was the last time you took a shower, hmm?"_ asked Lugia, keeping a stern look at John.

"I… I don't freaking know!"

"_Watch your language!"_

"I've never taken a shower during my whole journey, yuck! Author! Why didn't you write that I'd take at least one shower during all this?"

Not feeling like hopping into the story one more time, a note dropped from the sky. John picked it up and read it.

_"Dear John_

_The main reason why you haven't taken any showers is because that is sometimes very irrelevant to the story. Most authors skip those types of scenes because they know that the reader will know that the main character does take shower at least once every time they reach a PokéCentre._

_I you intend to get angry now, John, I must remind you that I saved you from Lugia's mighty attack Aeroblast, so please no yelling at me!_

_Sincerely yours,_

_EkaSwede._

_P.S. This note will self-destruct five seconds after you've read this."_

John sighed and pocketed the note, not having read the last sentence.

"_I'll be off now, since I have no further business with you… John!"_ With that, Lugia flapped its huge wings and took off in a couple of seconds. Five seconds after, it was gone… and the note exploded in John's pants.

"AAAHH! I'M ON FIRE, EEEOOOWW!"

Farfetch'd laughed at his trainer. "Haha, liar, liar pants on fire! Haha! I heard dynamite is good for putting out fire, it's so Fetch!" The duck picked up Voltorb's pokéball and hurled it towards the burning John. "Voltorb, do your Fetch Explode attack!"

Amazingly, Voltorb did what Farfetch'd said, despite the duck not being its trainer. It rolled up to John and exploded, sending the poor boy against he wall. Fortunately though, the fire was gone thanks to the force of the blast.

He slid down the wall and dropped his backpack. A familiar purple pokéball rolled out. Farfetch'd waddled up and examined it. "John," he said tensely, trembling in his whole body in exasperation. "Is this what I think it is?"

"The Master Ball?" said John obliviously, as if it was a regular pokéball.

"You idiot! Do you realize what opportunity you had? You could've caught Lugia! But all you did was standing there and smelled like shit! Far, fetch'd ferfe farfetch'd faar!" he ended in a series of swear words.

"Anyway," said John, not having listened, "let's continue on!" he jumped up to his feet, starting to walk happily. Voltorb rolled after and Farfetch'd waddled after his trainer, still holding the Master Ball with his wing.

But John noticed one person was exiting the caves of Mt Moon.

"Oh, it's her again…" he muttered.

"You know her?" asked Farfetch'd, amazed that his trainer remembered something.

"Yeah, I met her in Chapter 5: The Rockin' Battle and Smokin' News!" Farfetch'd rolled his eyes. "Hey, are you okay?" called John.

"No, the entire cave is almost filled with leek smoke! (cough), and I met those weird Scythers and a huge Onix that smoked five leeks at once. They didn't notice me, but I had to get out before the effects got to me."

"Oh, man… do you need a hand?" offered John. But the girl drew her pink umbrella in self-defence.

"I need no help from you, you jerk! I'd rather kiss a Lickitung than accepting help from you!"

But when she said that, a pinkish Pokémon appeared from the cave, looking at the girl happily. It resembled a pink Charmander, but with dots for eyes, and had yellow crescent marks on its chest. But most importantly, it had a huge pink tongue that hung out from its mouth.

"Licki!" it said happily, running towards the girl.

"No, no, no! Get away from me. AAAHH, I didn't mean it that much! It was a frickin' METAPHOOOoooor" She ran at turbo speed from John, being chased by a kiss-happy Lickitung.

"Uhh, Farfetch'd, should we help her?"

They both looked at each other, and then grimaced.

"NAAAAH!" they both shouted.

"_A wise decision!"_ beeped the Pokédex, the voice was slightly muffled due to it being in John's pocket. _"Serves her right for her Pokédex turning me down, hahaha!"_

"Who gave you the right to speak? You're not a Fetch Pokédex, so stay silent!" said Farfetch'd and smacked the Pokédex with his leek, which was on John's leg.

"Ouch! Evil Pokédex!"

"_So it's my fault that your psycho duck hits you? I have never experienced such a rude attitude in my entire life, I will go to the government with this! This form of behaviour is the most, blahblahblah yadda yadday, blahbal…"_ The machine went on endlessly. But John ignored it and walked happily to Cerulean, which wasn't far away.

Will John get his next badge in the water gym of Cerulean? Will he catch a new Pokémon? Will the girl escape the kiss-happy Lickitung? Will the leek smoking Scythers ever stop smoking?

Find out in the next chapter of UNFORTUNATE IDIO… cough, I'm not good at announcing screams… darn….

_**To be continuously odd… err… continued…

* * *

**_

**_A/N_**

To those who expected to see a John clone… I am terribly sorry, but maybe later… when a new plot forms! Mwahaha… cough… I suck at evil laughs!


	11. John to the Rescue!

**Chapter 11**

Nothing much to say, here's chapter eleven!

Farfetch'd: By popular demand!

Request, not demand…

Farfetch'd: Shut it, fool! I'm still searching for the one who used my word Fetch!

Anyway, let's move onto chapter eleven!

* * *

"**_John to the Rescue!"_**

John had finally arrived to Cerulean City. This city was more fresh and lively then the dull Pewter, the houses had a happier colour that reminded of the sea. In short, everything seemed cerulean blue, hence the name of the city.

But it didn't take long until a man approached our hero.

"Are you John Sean Fullerby?" he asked solemnly.

"Uhh, yeah, I guess," he replied absentmindedly.

The man gasped, as if it was something terrible. "Then the prophecy of Lugia is true! You DO smell like crap!"

John blushed. "Sir, I-I can explain, or I mean, eh, just show me the location of the nearest PokéCentre so I can take my shower."

"It's right over there," the man said, plugging his nose.

"Thank you very much!" thanked John.

He ran to the PokéCentre to avoid further comments of the inhabitants of Cerulean. Luckily for him, it wasn't far away. He walked up to the counter to ask for a room.

"By golly," exclaimed the nurse, plugging her nose as well, "you don't need to introduce yourself, Mr Fullerby. Here's the key for your room!" she told him, handing him the key and gesturing him to go there immediately.

"Thanks!" With that, he bolted off to his room. When he came in, he threw all of his clothes off and dashed into the bathroom, taking a shower.

"OOoh! This water is so warm! Just like my love for you!" he sang while washing himself clean.

"Please, John, keep it quiet! I'm trying to get some sleep here!" said a grouchy Farfetch'd. He had had a hard day after fighting off Scythers and Geodudes this day, and really needed some rest. "You don't want me to convince Voltorb to give you a shocking experience in the shower, do you?"

John didn't answer, he resumed to the showering. He probably washed his hair three times to make sure it stayed clean.

When he was done, he walked out with a towel wrapped around his hip. He quickly got dressed afterwards.

"Man, that was refreshing, I tell you," he said to Farfetch'd, relieved after the shower.

"I've been thinking, John," said Farfetch'd drowsily. "Since when was the last time you visited the men's room?" he asked slyly, expecting what to happen.

That comment caused John's bladder to sting very painfully, and his eyes seemed to double in size. "Ooh! Like… never! AAaah!" He ran for it to make it to the toilet, and he eventually made it. The sound of a fly being opened was heard, and a sigh of relief was heard afterwards.

"Oh, maaan, thanks for reminding me, Farfetch'd. But you know, I've also been wondering… in those long stories, it never says even once, that the hero/heroine takes a single bathroom break. How I pity them…"

After John was done with that business, he walked to his bed, sitting down on it. Farfetch'd, however, had gotten a little more alert after John's needs ordeal. He was currently peeking out of the window.

"Hey, John," he called. "Guess what I'm seeing outside right now?"

"Eh, the world outside?" John guessed, hoping for a positive reply.

Farfetch'd sighed "Myeaah, more specific, please," he demanded.

"What's specific?" John asked. Farfetch'd quacked in irritation, throwing his leek at his trainer.

"For crying out loud! Details, John, details! I need more details!"

"What kind of details?" John asked again.

Farfetch'd seemed to get an odd red colour on his face, even though his body was all feathery. "You're testing my patience, aren't you?" he said very tensely, trembling in rage.

John shook his head stupidly before looking at Farfetch'd obliviously. "What's patience?" he finally asked. Farfetch'd exploded and flew right up at the ceiling, colliding with it. Voltorb popped out from its pokéball and rolled up to John, exploding right in his face.

"JUST GIVE ME A SUGGESTION! A Slowpoke, a bum fight, a riot, a gang of smoking Scythers-" The duck glanced out of the window to be sure that suggestion wasn't right. "-JUST SUGGEST SOMETHING FOR THE LOVE OF LUGIA!" he finished, screaming at the top of his lungs.

John shook his head to magically rid of the black soot he had in his face. He stared at Farfetch'd obliviously again. "What's a suggestion?" he finally asked, as if it was a regular question.

Farfetch'd put his feathers on his head in exasperation. "NOOO!" Infuriated by his trainer's extreme stupidity, he jumped up to him and smacked him hard with his leek multiple times. "JUST GET TO THE FRICKIN' WINDOW!"

"Ow, EE! YEOW! Okay, just let me look out of the window! You take everything so far, Farfetch'd!" John whined as he started to peek out of the window.

"Volta borb torb vol!" (Gee, I guess the water had a negative effect on him!) said Ka-Boom. Farfetch'd glanced at the electric Pokémon.

"Fetch!" (You bet!) he replied, using his natural tongue for once.

"Lol!" (Lol) said Ka-Boom, showing a smile through happy eyes.

"Hey, I think I see something!" called John. "It's that girl and that Lickitung is still chasing her!"

Farfetch'd jumped up on John's shoulder, which weighted him down. "That Fetch chick has some real stamina! And same goes for that crazy Lickitung, eww!" noted the duck, fearing what the Lickitung would do to the girl.

"So, should we help her? She has been running for a while now… so I do pity her right now," said John, looking at Farfetch'd hopefully.

"Hmm, a hard decision. Let me think about it… NO!" He turned his back against John, heading for the bed.

"But Farfetch'd, come on! We gotta help her! She has been running since… I don't know when!"

"I'm not battling a Lickitung! I won't let it lick my leek! Or eat it if it intends to do that! You're on your own, John. Good night!" With that, Farfetch'd fell asleep in John's bed.

"Thanks for the help, Peking Duck!" he snapped; only to receive the finger in feather style from a grumbling Farfetch'd. "C'mon, Ka-Boom let's help her!" Ka-Boom spun around happily and rolled after its trainer.

When outside, the girl zoomed right past him, squealing, and the Lickitung ran happily after her, just wanting to give her a little kiss. John brought up his Pokédex and pointed it at the Lickitung.

"_Lickitung the Kicking… err, stupid keyboard typo! Licking Pokémon, its tongue can stretch up to seven feet and tends to stick to various things. Getting licked by this Pokémon can result to Paralysis due to the irritant allergen its saliva contains which most organisms are sensitive to."_

He was interrupted when the girl ran up to him! She grabbed his collar and shook him violently.

"Dammit, you stupid boy! Why don't you do anything?" she screamed at him. But she suddenly let go when she looked down on her leg. A pinkish tongue had wrapped around it and pulled her to it. "Nooo! Help me, you stupid boy!" she screamed after him, trying to get a grip on the ground. But the Lickitung was stronger, and pulled her to it.

"_I suspect that Lickitung is male, if you wondered. Now let's get a beer or something!"_ the Pokédex suggested. But John pocketed the Pokédex and ran to the Lickitung, who was standing right over the girl at the moment. He had retracted his long tongue and prepared to give the girl a happy licking.

"_Hey! I'll buy two rounds for you!"_ the contraption offered, but John didn't listen.

Just before Lickitung licked the girl, he was tackled away by John. Landing hard on the ground, he quickly got up. He looked fiercely at the human who had dared to tackle him.

"Are you okay?" John asked the girl who just glared daggers at him.

"Why didn't you use your Pokémon you stupid twat?" John didn't answer, how would he answer a question like that anyway?

The Lickitung sized his human opponent up; seeing he had no servants with him… this would be an easy match. It was time to lick some ass!

But before that, the Lickitung slapped me in the face using his tongue.

"Hey!" I yelled, "I meant Kick, not Lick, it was a stupid keyboard typo, Kickitung! D'oh!"

The Lickitung ignored that and charged towards John, preparing to Slam him. John thought it was all over, but a certain electric Pokémon came to his rescue.

"Voltorb-a lol!" Ka-Boom said with its cyber like voice. Lickitung halted its assault and examined the opposing Pokémon. Thinking it was a pokéball, it happily extended its tongue to eat it.

"Ka-Boom! Noo!" John yelled in despair, looking with fright when his first Pokémon was about to get eaten by the Lickitung.

But the Voltorb didn't appreciate being treated like this; angered (as most Voltorbs tends to be) it shocked the Lickitung's tongue with its electricity.

Totally caught off-guard, and being harmed in his weak spot, Lickitung fell down defeated, letting the Voltorb go.

"Yeah, Ka-Boom, you did it!" John cheered to his Pokémon. Ka-Boom rolled up to its trainer happily, drenched in Lickitung saliva. Though it was fortunate for the Voltorb that the saliva didn't affect it thanks to it being a pokéball without organisms, somehow, logically, in one way, I think, whatever…

"Oh thank you! You saved me from that crazy Pokémon… I'm never using any more metaphors, for a while!" She ran up to hug her saviour, and hugged John tightly. But she dropped one of her pokéballs without noticing.

"So, girl, what's your name?" asked John.

"You can just call me Sandy," she answered.

"I'm John, and-" They were interrupted by a familiar ping sound. Sandy slowly turned around to see one of her spare pokéballs on the ground where Lickitung used to be. "Well, congratulations, you caught a Lickitung!" he said cheeringly.

"Oh… crap…" she said with a dull voice, picking the pokéball up. "Well, I guess I'm going to the centre now, thanks for helping though…"

"Wait, I'll escort you there!" offered John.

"Whatever…"

When they arrived to the PokéCentre, John left to his room. He quickly changed to his pyjamas and went into the bed.

But a wild flapping sent him out of it immediately.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" yelled Farfetch'd, extremely grouchy after having been awakened in such a manner. "YOU'RE SLEEPING ON THE FLOOR THIS TIME!" he ordered.

Not being able to complain, John did what he was told. He tried to cheer himself up that he was going to fight at the Cerulean Gym the next day…

_**To be continued…**_

A fast update, nothing much more to say…


	12. Cerulean Gym Battle and stuff

**Chapter 12**

Disclaimer: I do not own Pippi Longstocking, she's a character made by Astrid Lindgren.

Sorry for having such a long period of no updates, but school has been kinda stressful lately…

Today's fun fact: The Latin name for the bird Magpie is Pica pica

* * *

"**_Cerulean Gym Battle… and stuff"_**

John woke up lying on the floor, which he had been sleeping on this night. He groaned at first, but then remembered why he wanted to wake up.

It was today he was a bout to go to the Cerulean Gym to battle for a badge.

Excited, he jumped to his feet. Rushing to the window to look how the weather was. It was sunny. He ran over to the bed and ripped off the sheets, giving his Farfetch'd a rude awakening.

Farfetch'd shot his eyes open and quickly scrambled to his feet, smacking John powerfully in his face.

"What's the big idea waking me up like that?" he almost screams tiredly, readying his leek to smack John once more.

"It's a beauuuutiful day today!" replied John, only to be smacked by Farfetch'd.

"Argh! Could you at least change to your normal clothes instead of standing there in your Pyjamas?"

John slowly got up, and looked at himself. He sweat dropped and laughed. He jumped up and did a 360 spin, magically changing his clothes to his normal ones, which consisted of a green t-shirt and blue jeans. He then landed, checking himself out.

"Wow, I never knew I had that ability, pretty nifty…" he mused. Farfetch'd just fell down on the floor in exasperation. "By the way, Farfetch'd, it's time to go to the gym and fight for a badge."

"Whoo-pe-doo…" Farfetch'd muttered, rolling his eyes.

John didn't really care, so he packed his things and reached for Farfetch'd's pokéball. "I think it's best if you go into you pokéball now, in case you'd scare some people in this city."

"Meh," scoffed Farfetch'd, "the only one who could scare them is you, John."

Outside the PokéCentre, a loud singing could be heard.

"_THE PHANTOOOOOM OF THE OPERA IS HEEEEERE, INSIDE YOUR MIIIIND!"_

Both John and Farfetch'd jumped up in surprise, and ran to the window. All they saw outside was a faint glimpse of the legendary Pokémon Lugia.

"John," said Farfetch'd tensely, "why did to tell Lugia that it was a great singer?"

John just aimed his pokéball at the duck and recalled him. Suddenly, his face went all red as he gripped the pokéball harder.

"Hutt reduntalla fickalade balla flant!" he screamed, not caring it was pure nonsense. He then stormed out of the PokéCentre and stomped into the gym, kicking the door open.

"That's right! No one's gonna mess with me today!" he screamed triumphantly, only to have the door slammed into his face. "AAAAHAHA! WAAAAH EEAAOOOOWWW!" he wailed, lying on the ground all bleeding in his face.

Twenty seconds later, he was fully revived thanks to his idiot powers. He trotted around jollily as he met a red haired girl we all know very much.

Pippi Longstocking.

All the readers face faulted.

Just kidding, the girl was none other than Misty Waterflower.

"So, uh, hi," he said first. "I wanna challenge you to a battle of a gym badge."

"Well, as usual, if you defeat me, Misty Waterflower, you'll receive this badge." She held up a cascade badge. "Now get your sorry ass on that platform!" She pointed at a square formed platform which was floating on the water.

John hopped onto the platform and stood straight on it, thumping his chest.

"A-HA! You thought I'd fall down, my fellow apples? I do not allow myself to fall down the water of orange juice!"

Misty sighed and pulled a rope, causing the platform to turn around as John fell in the water. However, John leaped out of the water completely dry.

"What the?" said Misty, looking at John strangely.

"I told you I wouldn't allow myself to be drenched in the water of orange juice, HAHA!" he boasted, thumping his chest twice.

Misty seemed to get madder by this and yelled, "It isn't orange juice, you twit! It's pure water!"

At the instant, John was drenched with water, since he didn't say he wouldn't allow himself to get drenched in water.

"Oookay…" mused Misty. "Enough of this, I choose you, Staryu!" After finishing her extremely lame call, she throws her pokéball containing an orange starfish Pokémon with a red jewel in its centre which was its core.

John just threw his pokéball into the water, revealing Farfetch'd swimming around like a duck in the water.

"Staryu, use your Water Gun!" ordered Misty, seizing the open window for attack. Her Pokémon sprayed a blast of water towards Farfetch'd who began to swim away wildly.

"Faaaar!" screamed Farfetch'd in his natural tongue, paddling wildly with his webbed feet.

"Farfetch'd, get out of the water!" John yelled to his Pokerman, her, Pokémon. Farfetch'd jumped up from the water and stood on the same platform John was on. "Now, attack that, ehh, orange starfish thingy!" he ordered

"Farfetch'd leaped up and screeched a war cry, holding his leek ready to smash Staryu.

"Staryu, get down underwater!" countered Misty. The starfish Pokémon dove underwater, and Farfetch'd splashed into the water. "Now, Tackle!" Misty yelled.

Farfetch'd was rammed hard by Staryu many times in a row, and John watched in worry how his Pokémon got beaten.

"Farfetch'd, try to drown it!" he suggested. Farfetch'd surfaced and glared at him. He flew out of the water and slapped John with his wing, returning deliberately into his pokéball.

"That's one," remarked Misty, knowing that she'd have the advantage now.

John got mad and reached for Ka-Boom's pokéball. He picked it up and threw it at Misty. However, Ka-Boom was never in its pokéball, so it sailed right into Misty's face, knocking her down from he platform.

Aggravated of its trainer's stupid action by mistaking it for a pokéball, it let loose of a mighty thunder shock that shocked Misty to unconsciousness. She would've died if she hadn't been launched to dry land by her Staryu which almost exploded due to the extreme electricity caused by the Voltorb.

John jumped from the platform onto the land, and recalled Ka-Boom with a "sorry". When he walked up to the unconscious gym leader, Farfetch'd popped out of his pokéball.

"Well, uh, congratulations! You defeated the gym leader!" he congratulated sarcastically.

"No, she has one Pokémon left!" argued John.

Farfetch'd ignored what his stupid trainer said and looted Misty for a Cascade Badge and tossed it to John.

"But, Farfetch'd, this is stealing!" exclaimed John.

"Nope, you defeated her, and therefore you deserve that badge. And I'll take this too…" Farfetch'd picked up an oversized mallet.

"But THAT is stealing!" John accused, pointing at the duck.

"Trust me, John, you don't want to see her pissed. I've heard rumours about her, so it'd be best if we get the hell out of here quick!" Farfetch'd suggested.

"Okay… just let me pose first." John raised his arm and held the badge straight up. "All right! I got Cascade Badge!" He posed as if he had won a hard battle.

"Whatever," muttered Farfetch'd, testing his newly acquired mallet. But John snatched it from the duck's grasp.

"And I'll take that! You ought to stay to your leeks!" said John.

They both walked out of the gym, but they were greeted by a little surprise.

"Sandy?" John guessed. Though it wouldn't be a hard guess, since he actually paid more attention to the Lickitung who hugged her leg, smiling.

"He refuses to go into his pokéball, but as long as he doesn't lick me, he can cuddle with me," she first said. "Did you beat the gym leader in there?" she then asked.

"Uh, yeah," answered John, showing his (stolen?) Cascade Badge.

"Cool," she just said, crossing her arms. But soon she found it embarrassing with Lickitung clinching her leg. "Come on now, let go! You're embarrassing me!" She managed to pull Lickitung away from her leg, and held the Pokémon in her arms. "And no licking!"

"Well, I'm off to Saffron… or Vermillion, I don't know," John said absentmindedly.

"Hold your horses!"

Both Sandy and John looked down at the duck Pokémon.

"He can talk?" she asked, bewildered of Farfetch'd's ability to speak English.

"Yup, and that is so Fetch, isn't it?" he boasted. "Anyway, John, we're not leaving until you visit a shop to buy more leeks for your own safety!"

"As you see, Sandy…"

"Brute" she cut in.

"Sandy Brute, I need to go now, I'm in a bit of a hurry." With that, John dashed off to the closest leek shop. Sandy just stared.

"What a weird kid… but I have the feeling we'll meet sometime soon." She dodged Lickitung's attempt to lick her swiftly. "I said no licking!" she hissed. Lickitung just cooed back.

-----

John had entered a vegetable shop and walked up to the clerk.

"Hi, I would like a dozen of leeks, or twenty. Good quality!" he said jollily. The clerk eyed him strangely as he put twenty-five (25) leeks on the counter.

"That'll be-"

John interrupted the clerk with, "I'd like a suggestion where I could hide for the time being. Misty's mad with me after I beat her."

"Oh… try hiding in the Cerulean Cave… by the way, that'll be twenty Pokédollars!"

"Thankyougoodbye!" John quickly said as he handed over twenty yellow bottle caps at the counter, snatched the leeks, and made a run for it.

-----

After a short while, they were in front of a cave. This was probably the Cerulean Cave he could hide in until Misty's wrath had cooled down. The cave looked kind of inviting, so he figured that it wouldn't be an unpleasant stay.

But before they ventured in, they heard a loud bang. They both turned around to see the roof of the Cerulean Gym fly up and crash down on the building.

"Yep, Misty's awake," stated Farfetch'd. "Better start running." The duck fluttered his wings and flew into the cave. John did the same, only that he didn't possess any wings, so he crashed on the rocky ground, causing rocks to block off the exit.

It got pitch black at an instant, but John had actually been smart for once and had brought his flashlight. He found Farfetch'd lying on the ground, trembling in fear.

"I… I have a feeling we're not alone," Farfetch'd stuttered.

"Well, uh, I'm here. Let's consult my Pokédex!" John picked up his Pokédex and activated it.

"_Cerulean Cave: You idiot! You're stuck in a cavern which is infested with Pokémon around level fifty or so, and your level is barely twenty! Good luck… moron"_

John got angry, and threw the Pokédex at the ground. He then picked up his (Misty's) mallet and bashed it hard once. "How do you like them apples?" he screamed, picking it up. It seemed to be in top condition though.

"_This is what I like… HYAH!"_ With that, the Pokédex managed to throw John to the ground very hard, how, I don't know. _"Now, we're even…"_

"John, I'm scared… this place isn't Fetch at all," Farfetch'd whined, "There's something powerful in here… I don't know what… but it feels strange."

"Don't worry, Farfetch'd, there's always another way out!"

"Yeah, through hell?"

Right after the duck said that, he and John were surrounded by a dozen of level fifty Pokémon. None of them seemed to be fond of newcomers.

_**To be continued…**_

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Well, so this chapter wasn't that funny, but actually, I smell a plot coming up… about leek smoking!


	13. The Adventure in the Unknown Cave

**Chapter 13**

Disclaimer: I don't own half of the jokes. But seriously, how can someone own jokes? That's ridiculous!

Right, my fellow readers, I haven't been updating for a while. I'm certain that you all stand there holding torches, waiting to burn me. I dare you, 'cause I got my fire extinguisher ready. I've recently learned that the cave isn't by Cerulean. Silly me… well, I guess this is called the literature freedom, heh. So, it's pretty obvious that I never played the game… buuuut, I'll improvise. Watch.

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"**The Fantastic Adventure in the Unknown Cave" **

John looked at the level fifty Pokémon that surrounded him and Farfetch'd. The Pokémon which were surrounding them consisted of two Marowak, one Rhyhorn, three Magneton and one Slowpoke. They were all snarling at them, except for Slowpoke, who just looked at them.

"We're done for, Farfetch'd. I wonder if there are Scy-"

"Don't dare to mention those crazy, scythe-wielding, pothead bugs!" Farfetch'd quacked.

"_For your information,"_ the Pokédex beeped, _"there are no mantis Pokémon in here."_

"Oh, joy…" Farfetch'd muttered.

The two Marowak approached Farfetch'd looking at his leek.

Farfetch'd fear turned into a furious rage as his face turned beat red.

"DO NOT COME NEAR ME!" he bellowed, causing it to echo in the whole cave. All of the Pokémon made a run for it, except for Slowpoke.

"_It didn't know a Farfetch'd could learn Roar,"_ the Pokédex noted. Farfetch'd snatched the Pokédex from John's pockets, glaring at it.

"And I didn't know a Pokédex was capable of Seismic Toss. Phoey!" he snapped as he tossed it to John.

"Farfetch'd, that's not how you do it. You must express your exasperation with a passion," John learned, "PHOOEY!" he howled. That cry also echoed in the cave. The Slowpoke jumped in fright and ran away faster than an Electrode could roll.

Farfetch'd ignored his stupid trainer and looked with wonder at the fleeing Slowpoke. "I've never seen a Slowpoke run that fast… how Fetch," the duck muttered.

"What should we do, Farfetch'd?" asked John.

"Quack, maybe we should venture deeper into the cave. Maybe there's some exit further in, what do I know?" Farfetch'd replied, shrugging. "Onwards."

"Yes, sir!" John exclaimed, and started to follow Farfetch'd's lead. The duck held his leek up like a leading pike thingy, or something.

It didn't take long until they met a duo of a Chansey and a Wigglytuff. They both looked at John happily and greeted them with friendly wave.

"Don't worry, Farfetch'd, I'll take care of this." John drew his oversized mallet, holding it over his head. "DO NOT COME NEAR ME!" he yelled.

The two friendly Pokémon looked at John, and then turned extremely hostile. They lunged at him and started slapping him like mad.

"Ow, oh! AAAH! EEEEEH!"

Farfetch'd broke out in laughter. He laughed so hard he almost suffocated. He sneaked up and snatched one of John's pokéballs, releasing Voltorb. He did this because he wanted Voltorb to see the fun event as well.

The electric Pokémon cheered, laughing with Farfetch'd.

When the two Pokémon had enough beating John, they turned their backs in disgust and left, leaving John beaten to a pulp. Wigglytuff took the mallet and tossed at John's head, causing him to faint.

'Ohh, those were some tough bitches,' Farfetch'd told Voltorb.

'Yeah, probably because they're level fifty and all,' the electric Pokémon replied, spinning around.

John woke up and held his head in pain.

"Oh, by Lugia, the pain…" he moaned. "Why didn't it work?"

Farfetch'd crossed his wings. "Well, first of all, you yelled. You were supposed to bellow. Secondly, you only used two exclamation points, while I used three."

"But if I had used four?"

"Not possible, that would be playing God," said Farfetch'd strictly.

"Man," whined John, "I'm a failure…" He started to sob.

"Hey, cheer up, John. It's almost as if I wanted to give you a leek," Farfetch'd comforted. Voltorb rolled up and bounced onto John's lap.

"To smoke?" John asked. Farfetch'd nodded.

"To be honest, it actually helps a little," ensured the bird.

John got to his senses, looking a little serious.

"But I can't do that! Humans are affected the complete wrong way by those sticks!"

Farfetch'd scoffed. "They do? Strange… I've seen humans smoking with them… though I never thought other Pokémon could smok'em, which was why I was surprised when those Scythers could smoke them without problems."

"What?" exclaimed John.

"Well," started Farfetch'd, "I've seen one guy do it, but he got killed. I thought it wasn't of my business, but that's what happened."

John stared blankly at nothing, but didn't the doctor say that-

Something flipped inside his mind, he had a sudden urge of eating ice cream.

"Hey, let's eat some raspberry ice cream!" With that, John somehow pulled out a box of raspberry ice cream out of his pocket. "This is gonna be good, guys!" He searched his pocket for a spoon, but could only find a fork. "Bummer…"

"I won't sulk!" said Farfetch'd. "I have my leek, and I can use that leek as a spoon! Haha!" he laughed as he began to dig in the raspberry ice cream.

"A spoon, A SPOON! My insanity for a freaking SPOO-HO-HO-HOOoon!" John howled, looking around him.

As if on cue, a Kadabra stepped out from the shadows. John noticed the spoon it held in one of its hands. He snatched Farfetch'd's baseball cap and put it on his head. He then grabbed his oversized mallet and dashed towards the Kadabra.

"Gimme your spoon NOW!" he yelled at the psychic Pokémon. The poor Kadabra didn't have time to react before John snatched its spoon and gave it his fork instead. And before Kadabra could complain, it was struck by the mallet.

John held his hands up in the air, singing the homerun song.

And then he got slapped by Farfetch'd.

"If you ever steal my private cap one more time, it'll be the last thing you do! Is that clear?" Farfetch'd roared. John cowered. The duck then walked back to the box of raspberry ice cream. "But I gotta admit, this is some Fetching good ice cream!" he said, starting to dig in the ice cream again.

"No, don't eat all of it!" whined John, rushing to the box of ice cream.

They both ate the ice cream, enjoying the cold sweetness of happiness. Voltorb rolled up next to John, looking curiously into the ice cream.

"Yum, this is some good ice cream. Hey, Ka-Boom, you want some?" asked John.

"Vol!" it said happily, spinning around once. John filled up a spoon with ice cream.

"Say ah," he said, but the Voltorb looked at him oddly.

"Lol?" it wondered.

"John, you idiot! Voltorb doesn't have mouths!" Farfetch'd stated angrily.

Ka-Boom looked at John sadly with tears in its eyes. It then rolled away, sobbing.

"Great going, jackass, you hurt Ka-Boom!" Farfetch'd snapped.

"Great? So… that means more ice cream for us?" John asked as he resumed eating the ice cream.

"No, you made it cry!"

"_Negative,"_ the Pokédex stated. _"Electric Pokémon can't cry, especially not a Voltorb!"_

"Then what is that coming down the Voltorb's eyes?" Farfetch'd smugly asked, snatching the Pokédex and pointed it at the crying Voltorb.

"_In the name of all legendaries! A weeping Voltorb! Get away before it short-circuits and explodes!"_ the Pokédex frantically shouted.

John and Farfetch'd dove to the ground just before Ka-Boom exploded. This explosion was much stronger than usual explosions, and the Voltorb couldn't be found afterwards.

"Ka-Boom! Nooo!" John yelled in devastation. "It was such a nice Pokémon…"

"Trode?" a big sphere Pokémon said. Both John and Farfetch'd looked at the direction of the voice.

They saw a much bigger Voltorb, only that the colours were swapped. It had two eyebrows that didn't seem attached to the body itself. But most importantly it had…

…a mouth.

Ka-Boom had evolved to an Electrode.

John seized the chance to state the obvious.

"Ka-Boom… did you evolve?" he asked.

Ka-Boom spun around and rolled over John in happiness. John was almost crushed by the immense weight.

"It's happy because now it will never be mistaken for a pokéball anymore," muttered Farfetch'd. The duck then found himself under the pressure of Electrode, who was angry with him. "Ouch, help!" he pleaded.

"Hey, Ka-Boom, you want some ice cream?" John offered. Electrode jollily let Farfetch'd go as it rolled up to John. John filled up the spoon with the raspberry ice cream and put it inside Ka-Boom's mouth.

Ka-Boom examined the taste, but didn't seem to like it. Farfetch'd cheered.

"Woo-hoo! That means more for me!"

Farfetch'd's happy moment didn't last very long. He spotted two Pokémon which were probably hostile.

A Kadabra (yes, the one with the fork) and a Hypno stared at them with anger. The Kadabra seemed angrier because John took its spoon. The Hypno looked at Farfetch'd, who seemed shocked.

"Eh, John," Farfetch'd said after having listened to Hypno's psychic message, "He said that he would put you in a hypnosis and take control of you. Then he'd take you to his boss."

"No worries!" John exclaimed, "We have Electrode, and logically, it would be at level thirty."

"How did?" Farfetch'd didn't have time to ask as Kadabra blasted the duck with a Psybeam attack.

The Hypno used his psychic powers to attract the spoon from John's hands and handed it to Kadabra. The yellow psychic Pokémon then walked up to the incompetent trainer. He rocked his pendulum left and right, chanting.

"_Foolish human, you are in my power,"_ the Hypno started. John snatched the pendulum out of his hands and examined it.

"It's a very nice necklace. Are you sure this isn't the one mum lost a few weeks ago?" John asked. The Kadabra pounded John's head with its spoon and forced him to look at it.

"_Watch carefully, and behold my power,"_ the Kadabra stated, holding its spoon before John. Suddenly, the spoon was bent by Kadabra's psychic powers.

"Cool, how did you do that?"

"_Simple, because… thar is… no spoon…"_ said the psychic Pokémon eerily. Farfetch'd sighed in frustration, even though he had been knocked down. The duck quickly got up and stole the bent spoon and bent it back to its regular form.

"There is no Fetch sense in you, Kadabra fool!" snapped the duck.

The Kadabra glared at the duck as its eyes glowed blue. _"There is no Farfetch'd…"_ it grunted using its psychic powers. Farfetch'd was somehow knocked into unconsciousness. John gasped and returned Farfetch'd into his pokéball.

"You meanie! Ka-Boom, get them!" John commanded. The Electrode rolled towards the two psychic Pokémon, hoping to roll over them.

Both Kadabra and Hypno used their psychic power to toss the XXL pokéball Pokémon at John. But then the most unthinkable event written in history happened.

John dodged.

But the Hypno dashed forward and snatched his pendulum back from John. And Kadabra approached John more calmly. Suddenly, John felt he couldn't move, which was probably a trick of Kadabra's due to its eyes glowing blue.

The Hypno rocked his pendulum in front of John's eyes. This time, John followed the pattern.

"_Human, you are under my control," _Hypno chanted, _"you feel slee-"_ John fell asleep.

"Zzz…"

"_Human, you fell asleep too early…"_ the psychic stated, waking John up. He then started over, rocking the pendulum. _"You feel sleepy, human, you-"_ John fell asleep again.

"_Hypno,"_ said Kadabra, amused by John, _"you always say that hypnosis works easily on the mindless, but this is ridiculous!"_

"_Shut up, Kadabra!"_ Hypno snapped, _"Let me try again, third time's the charm."_ The yellow Pokémon slapped John's face so he'd wake up.

Hypno drew a long breath, trying to be patient. He then rocked the pendulum.

"_Human, you are under my control. You'll do everything I tell you to!"_ the psychic Pokémon said extremely quickly. John fell asleep.

Silence passed, only John's snoring could be heard.

"_So,"_ started Kadabra, breaking the silence, _"did it work?"_

Hypno didn't answer. His face seemed to get redder for every second, and started to tremble in exasperation.

"…_no…"_ he said slowly. Kadabra laughed. Hypno put his left hand at his forehead, almost sobbing in irritation. Not long after that, the yellow Pokémon could be heard sobbing.

"_Don't be sad, I took care of the oversized pokéball. I simply used the human's pokéball to recall it. Aren't I smart?"_ the Kadabra said proudly. Hypno threw his pendulum right at the psychic Pokémon's face.

"_Why didn't you think of that earlier? This imbecile's brain is completely empty! I can't even eat his dreams! Everything's so weird!"_ Hypno shouted in misery.

"_Cheer up, take advantage to the spoils of war. The human left some delicious raspberry ice cream behind!"_ Kadabra ate some of the ice cream using its spoon.

"_Hey, leave some for me!"_ Hypno replied happily, having forgotten John who was standing up and sleeping.

"_Here's the deal,"_ said Hypno, _"We eat some ice cream, and then we take the trespasser to the boss. The boss is kinda angry, but he can wait!"_

**_To be continued…_**

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Well, that's what I could whip up after the whole summer. I hope you liked it and hopefully I'll update sooner…


	14. A Mighty Encounter

**Chapter 14**

This story must have been forgotten during the summer. Well, that's what one gets for not updating. But I will now show you how improvisation can fix an error, hehe.

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"**_A Mighty Encounter"_**

The Hypno and Kadabra had carried John and Farfetch'd to the deepest part of the cave. At the end stood a mysterious figure with its back turned towards them. It jerked its head up, still not looking at its two servants.

"_Did you bring them?"_ it calmly asked.

Kadabra and Hypno put down the trainer and Pokémon on the ground before they bowed to the larger psychic.

"_Yes, Master. We have fulfilled our mission and brought the trespassers with us,"_ they said in unison.

The figure's tail flicked as it hummed. _"I sense you brought something else. You brought something I told not to,"_ it said eerily.

Kadabra looked guiltily at the box of raspberry ice cream and shivered. _"Just a box of…"_ He hesitated at first, but knew that his master would figure it out whether he wanted it or not. _"…ice cream,"_ he finished.

The figure snapped around, glaring with glowing blue eyes at the Kadabra. The mysterious beings face structure reminded much of a cat's. In fact, its entire body was like a feline's, only bigger. Unlike ordinary cats, it stood on its rear limbs, and seemed to float to boot.

"_How dare you!"_ it snapped at the Kadabra. _"How dare you consume that in my presence? The nerve!"_ it growled.

"_I'm sorry, Master,"_ Kadabra apologised with fear in his psychic voice.

John and Farfetch'd woke up at the same time. John screamed when he saw the mysterious figure and the other two psychics.

"_You really have the nerve walking into my secret dungeon, human!"_ the figure bellowed at John.

"Secret?" he said, not getting a single thing. "But the cave's just outside Cerulean City, visible to everyone!"

"_I HATE HUMANS!"_ it roared.

"Could you let me go?" asked Farfetch'd, "I'm not human." The duck made a peace sign with his feathery fingertips.

"_You have a trainer, and therefore I don't like you,"_ the mysterious figure declared.

"I wonder what kind of a Pokémon that is," John then mused as he put up his Pokédex.

"_Mewtwo the psychic Pokémon: This Pokémon is said to have been cloned from the legendary Pokémon Mew. This Pokémon is said to be the strongest in the world and you're pretty screwed if you encountered it. Wait! I'm not supposed to have this information!"_ it beeped.

John gaped at the contraption, wasn't it supposed to know about this "Mewtwo" thing?

"_So you revealed my identity, human, but that won't help,"_ Mewtwo snarled, _"You won't stop me from finishing my creation!"_

John looked at the psychic in fear. Despite him being too stupid to fear something, he was scared now. And when something scares John, it's scary. Farfetch'd didn't seem so scared however.

"Look here, Almighty-Powerful, why do you speak without using your mouth?" he inquired snidely.

"_I'm psychic,"_ it simply stated, sending a leer towards the duck.

"Nuh-uh! I don't believe you! You use it because you want to sound mean, speak up using your mouth!" Farfetch'd demanded.

"_Are you giving me orders?"_ threatened Mewtwo, slightly taken aback.

"No, I'm daring you! If you can't speak using your mouth, you aren't powerful enough!"

Mewtwo stared at the duck with glowing blue eyes for a while, and then spoke, _"Very well."_

"The mouth, cat-thing, use the mouth! Do it!"

Mewtwo inhaled and cleared its throat, preparing to use its physical voice.

"Meow," it uttered. It sounded like a newborn innocent little kitten, and it quickly covered its mouth with both of its paws. It even blushed in embarrassment.

Farfetch'd crossed his wings and sighed. "Give me a Fetching break," he muttered. "Are you gong to cough up some hairballs as well, you little kitten?" the duck mocked.

"Mrrreoww!" Mewtwo meowed, sounding more hostile. It then covered its mouth again with its paws.

"You probably don't even have any claws concealed in those paws. An ordinary Meowth is more dangerous than you!" added Farfetch'd.

John did his best not to laugh out loud, but Kadabra and Hypno were failing miserably. They lay on the ground laughing so hard that they could barely breathe. It was then John noticed something horrible.

"NOoo! You've eaten all of my ice cream! I will get you!" he yelled, tears flowing out of his eyes. He whipped up his mallet out from nowhere and whacked Kadabra so hard that he was sent flying into Hypno. Both psychics were thrown into the wall and fell down in a heap, beaten.

"_Don't cause too much ruckus! My creation could get destroyed!"_ Mewtwo warned.

Farfetch'd jumped up on John's shoulder. "Maybe we should take this chance and run away," he suggested. "Nice doing handling those psychics," he added, glancing at the Kadabra and Hypno.

"No, I wanna show Mewtwokitten the wrath of my mallet!" John protested.

"Misty's mallet, John. Let's get the Fetch outta here!" Farfetch'd shouted at his trainer.

John didn't comply and did what his Pokémon told him to. They turned around and made a run for it, but Mewtwo just stared at them.

"_Fools, you can't escape me!"_ he declared, clapping his paws. _"Guards! Get them!"_ he demanded.

Almost instantly, two Rhydon stepped up in front of the only opening, blocking John and Farfetch'd only way to freedom.

"Blast, we're stuck!" said Farfetch'd as he stopped. John, however, readied his mallet.

"NOT TODAY!" he shouted heroically, leaping towards the Rhydon with his mallet ready.

"John, don't… never mind," muttered Farfetch'd.

John did a powerful, vertical whack on the Rhydon's head, a hard whacking sound was heard. The Rhydon, however, wasn't fazed, and the head of the mallet was pulverized after the blow. All John held in his hand was a short stick.

The Rhydon loomed over him, glaring at him. John threw away the stick and tried to break through, but was lifted up by the standing drill Pokémon.

Farfetch'd had also been caught by the second Rhydon, but since he had been thrashing about too much, the captor held him in a tight bear hug.

The two drill Pokémon brought them back to Mewtwo, but they didn't put them down.

"_Let me inform you that no human has left this place alive, and I'll make sure that you won't either. I'll-"_

Ding!

Mewtwo jerked its head up at the sound. It turned around and dashed around the corner. It was quiet for a while.

"John, I'm scared, I don't know what that psycho is up to," Farfetch'd worriedly told his trainer. John just looked back at him as if it were raining.

Farfetch'd looked up at the Rhydon which was holding him tightly.

"Could you at least put me down?" he suggested, as he received a menacing snarl from the Rhydon as it bared its fangs.

The duck gulped. "But how about a leek, then?" he suggested, suddenly realizing that he wasn't in possession of the leek, but saw it lying on the ground below him. "Down there," he wheezed nodding to the direction. The Rhydon looked down at the vegetable, and reached down with one of his claws to get it.

"_HAHA!"_ laughed Mewtwo. _"My creation is finally complete! The world will fall in front of me and everyone will bow down before me!"_

Mewtwo came out from the corner, wearing a pair of potholders and a tall chef hat. It was holding a plate of something brown, and had a proud happy look on it.

"_Behold my revolutionary Chocolate Soufflé will be entirely irresistible!"_ It held the plate of Chocolate Soufflé proudly to show it off to John and Farfetch'd. _"With no fat!"_ it added.

Both John and Farfetch'd sweatdropped at the sight. The Rhydon which held Farfetch'd with one arm sniffed at the leek curiously. Right after that, it started to inhale uncontrollably, about to sneeze.

"No, don't do it, for the love of Lugia!" Farfetch'd pleaded, realizing that he was in the crossfire of where the Rhydon would sneeze.

"_Don't!"_ Mewtwo warned, looking nervously at the Rhydon.

"Are you sure that soufflé is fat free?" John asked, not having realized that the Rhydon which held him in place weren't doing that any more, it had run up to the other one. When it was there it put its left forelimb under the other's snout to prevent it from sneezing. The other Rhydon exhaled calmly in a sigh.

A collective sigh exited everyone's mouths in the room. John, however, brought out Ka-Boom the Electrode. He picked up the big Pokémon and held it over his head with both arms.

"Pokéball XXL, go!" he yelled as he attempted to throw it. Ka-Boom was too heavy though, and John toppled over and fell on his back.

That was enough to cause enough vibration for the chocolate soufflé to sink down in a flat brown heap.

On top of it, the Rhydon which held Farfetch'd let out a powerful sneeze right at the duck. Poor Farfetch'd's feathers were completely covered in Rhydon snot.

"Eww! Rhydon snot!" Farfetch'd shouted. The Rhydon sneezed again, but this time faced another direction, letting the slimy duck go.

And to add some icing on the cake, Electrode exploded on John for having once again mistaken it for being a pokéball.

Collective silence…

"_My soufflé!"_ Mewtwo howled.

"My feathers!" whined Farfetch'd.

"_Our status,"_ wheezed Kadabra and Hypno.

'My snout!' Rhydon roared after having sneezed three times.

"I'm sorry, Ka-Boom! Get off me!" pleaded John.

Another five minutes of painful silence. John was on his feet, and the healthy Rhydon was taking care of the other one. Farfetch'd hadn't moved due to all the snot covering his body but he wouldn't be able to get it off anyway.

Mewtwo was the first one to speak up.

"_You insignificant human! Look what you did to my creation! For once it was perfect, but now it's ruined. RUINED!"_ it shouted, its face was beat red in anger even though it had fur to cover that up.

"_Don't worry, Master, you could always bake a new,"_ suggested Kadabra weakly, _"third time's the charm!"_

"_Um, Kadabra?"_ squeaked Hypno, _"Don't you mean the one hundred AND third time?"_

Mewtwo almost exploded in anger and threw the dish at the two psychics. Both were covered in the remains of the ruined chocolate soufflé.

"_YOU!"_ it roared at John who almost pissed his pants. _"You will pay for this! I will make you my eternal slave!"_ It teleported and appeared right in front of John, grabbing his forehead. Eerie purple clouds appeared over the two.

"_Listen well, human, you'll obey my commands. You will do whatever I tell you to. And you will always refer me as Master!"_ Mewtwo let go of John.

"_But, Master!"_ called Hypno, _"That won't work!"_

"_Silence, fool!"_ Mewtwo ordered as it sent a psychic blast at Hypno.

"Um, Mister?" John wondered, not having gotten anything.

"_No! Not Mister, Master, you incompetent human!"_ Mewtwo yelled.

"_Master, I know you can control minds, but this particular human doesn't have one!"_ warned Kadabra.

Mewtwo glared at John and made another attempt on brainwashing him.

"_Will you obey my commands, slave?"_ it asked after being done.

John shook his head vivaciously. "No, Moster!"

Mewtwo gasped in shock, and repeated the process once again in high speed.

"_I hope it worked now…"_ it mused.

"It surely didn't, Mustard!" he exclaimed happily.

"_His mind is too stupid to be taken over!"_ Kadabra shouted.

Mewtwo put its paws on its head and kneeled down. A soft sobbing could be heard.

"Maybe you need a big hug!" John shouted as he gave Mewtwo a tight hug. Mewtwo didn't want to care.

"_I hate it! Humans come in and out whenever they like it! They keep making a ruckus which ruins my soufflés!"_

"Try moving the cave to a quieter place then," suggested Farfetch'd, "Like in the sea or something."

Mewtwo tossed John away and looked at Farfetch'd.

"_A splendid idea!"_ it boomed. _"Out there I'll be for myself! Thank you, thank you, thank you!"_

John sweatdropped, as did Farfetch'd, though he still couldn't get off that snot.

"_So, human, let's do it this way; I teleport you and your Pokémon out of here, and I'll bring this entire cave to the sea."_

"Can't you take us to Vermillion City?" suggested John.

"_Granted," _said Mewtwo as its eyes glowed blue.

The next thing that happened, John and co found themselves in Vermillion City.

"I can't get this disgusting Rhydon snot off me! Why didn't you ask Mewtwo to clear that up?"

"I think we should order pizza," said John simply.

Farfetch'd tried to fly up and smack him, but couldn't since the snot was weighing down his wings. He had to follow his trainer.

"Can't we just go to the PokéCentre?" the duck suggested?

"A splendid idea!" John imitated Mewtwo's voice when he said that.

When they had arrived at the PokéCentre, the nurses had washed away the gooey stuff on Farfetch'd.

_(One hour later… since the author was too lazy to describe how they got into their room, etc etc…)_

"What an adventure!" exclaimed John, sitting on his bed.

"Indeed," muttered Farfetch'd, looking at his trainer as if he wanted to wring his neck. "Crap, I forgot my leek in the cave. Quickly hand me one of your spare leeks, NOW!" the duck demanded.

John frantically searched through his backpack, but to his horror he couldn't find them.

"Eh, I kinda lost them…"

Farfetch'd twitched once, then twice.

"You… lost… them…?" he slowly stuttered. The duck was twitching madly now, and seemed really really pissed off!

The duck picked up a walkie-talkie, activating it.

"Okay team, code a42 has been broken. TEAM; ASSEMBLE!" he yelled into it.

_**To be continued…**_


End file.
